Adam/Hamish: Original Sin
May. 16th, 2008 12:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolfanficsTitle: Original Sin
Author: Sashataakheru
Fandom: AusComedy/The Chaser
Characters: Adam Hills, Hamish Blake, Andrew Hansen, Chris Taylor, serpent!Craig Reucassel, God.
Pairings: Adam/Hamish, Adam/Andrew, Hamish/Craig, Chris/Andrew
Prompt: #15 Food Play for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
50kinkyways
Word Count: 2,190
Warnings: abuse of a perfectly good Bible story, cockteasing, evil!Craig
Rating: FRM
Disclaimer: I don’t know them, not associated with them, just a slashy fangirl admirer with a very active imagination. Also, the Bible belongs to its many authors. I'm just borrowing a story and playing with it for my own amusement.
Author's Notes: This is all![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
desiredeffect's fault. :P Also, Chris and Andrew appeared of their own accord. XD
Summary: Adam and Hamish in the Garden of Eden, with an evil serpent!Craig looking to get them into more trouble than they already get themselves into. XD
Original Sin
The Garden of Eden, all things considered, was a damn nice place to live. It had lush vegetation, every fruit you could possibly think of, and it was always warm and tropical. There was a lush rainforest and a river flowing through it and all manner of animal, bird and insect. Every living thing in existance could be found there, and Adam had had great fun naming them all. After he'd discovered that eating certain plants made your eyes do strange things, he'd enjoyed it even more. Adam and his lover had full run of the garden, and could eat whatever they wanted, except that one tree in the centre of the garden, which they were not allowed to touch. Adam thought this was fair enough. It's not like there was a shortage of food elsewhere.
This might be why there was now a bird with a long feathered tail and a crest on its head called a pee-cock (named with much giggling by Adam), and in a high-induced giggle-fest, Adam had convinced God to create an animal that was furry, swam in the water, had a duck's bill, flippers and claws, and laid eggs in a burrow. They had decided to call it a platypus, and loved the thought of future humans trying to work out what on earth made evolution create such a creature. God rather enjoyed messing with humans' heads.
Adam was lying under a tree now, his lover erotically feeding him grapes. This was Adam's second lover. He'd rejected the first and made God make him someone he was really into. Did it matter that he was another man? Well, Adam was a tad narcissistic, and procreation wasn't really a big priority. He figured God would either make him mate with the woman, or work out how to have boys make babies together. Adam secretly wished for the second option, because he knew God loved messing with humans. It wasn't that God was particularly malevolent, or benevolent. He just had a bit of a trickster in him. Or her. Or it. God never liked sticking with one appearance. It made it too easy to pin him down, and he hated being predictable. Besides, it would give humans one more layer of mystery to ponder. Never let it be said God would ever make it simple for humans to figure him out.
Adam groaned appreciately as his lover dropped another grape into his mouth. They were sweet and juicy, the most perfect grape ever. Well, everything in Eden was perfect.
“You are fucking gorgeous,” his lover said.
“Thank you. You're pretty hot yourself,” Adam smirked.
“Of course I am. I was made by God, after all. I'm practically perfect,” his lover said with a grin.
“Made in his image. You're so perfect, Hamish,” Adam said.
Hamish fluttered his eyelashes and looked at him meekly. “I'm all yours, Adam,” he said, taking his hand gently and kissing his fingers gently.
“Oh yes you are. All mine,” Adam said, pulling Hamish into a kiss.
And then they were rolling around on the lush grass, totally engrossed in each other, the lovely grapes forgotten in their lust.
In a nearby tree, a serpent watched, mischevious look in his eye. He was perched athletically, making sure he got the best angle of thei making out. He smirked to himself. They were far too innocent. They needed to be tempted, and the serpent knew just how to do it.
His idea set, the serpent slithered off, wanting to get Hamish on his own first.
The serpent got his chance some time later. Hamish had gone for a walk while Adam did some work in the garden. Hamish was admiring all the trees and the fruit they bared. He still didn't know all their names. Adam did, because Adam had named them all. He felt a little left out. He was the third lover at any rate, and God had decided that Adam losing two ribs was quite enough and refused to make any more until he'd perfected the art of the anaesthetic.
Hamish sat on a rock and gazed at the trees around him. It was then that he spotted the forbidden tree, the one God didn't want them to touch. It was rather shiny, wasn't it? Maybe it wouldn't hurt to have a look? No, better not. There's plenty of food to eat, and if God didn't want them touching it, so be it. He probably had his reasons.
“I think you do want to have a look at that tree, don't you?” the serpent hissed into Hamish's ear.
Hamish turned to see the serpent crouched beside him, curling around him. “And who are you? Why can you talk?”
“Oh, sorry, so rude of me not to intruduce myself. I'm Craig, and I'm a serpent, and I think you want to go have a look at that tree, don't you?” Craig the serpent said.
“But God said not to touch that tree,” Hamishsaid.
“It's okay just to look at it. He won't mind you admiring his work,” Craig said.
Hamish hesitated. Then he got to his feet and approached the giant tree. It sparkled like no other. It was beautiful, and the fruit it beared looked perfect in every way. Craig slithered up to the tree and climbed up the trunk, travelling along the branches to emerge through the leaves and encircle one of the enticing fruits.
“You should try it. It's the food of the Gods,” Craig said as he sunk his teeth into it, breaking off a chip and ate it.
“But God said not to,” Hamish said.
“God says a lot of things. Do you really want to remain completely obedient to a God? I can free you. Just taste the fruit. It'll blow your fucking mind,” Craig hissed.
“But why wouldn't you want to obey God?” Hamish said.
“Because blind obedience brings nothing. He is stifling your true potential. Eat the fruit and break free,” Craig said, breaking an apple off the tree with his tail and offering it to Hamish.
Hamish hesitated. Then he took the fruit and ate it, and by the Gods, it was the sweetest, juiciest, most perfect fruit he'd ever eaten. He was aware of a world he hadn't been aware of before. Also, he realised he was naked. And his dick was hard. He wasn't entirely sure why this was an issue. He hadn't cared before, and looking down, it's not like he had anything to hide. He had this desire to find out what was outside the garden, in the big wide world. His mind was full of ideas and thoughts he hadn't had before.
“Wow. That's some good shit,” Hamish said. “I'm gonna go give some to Adam.”
The serpent smirked as Hamish skipped off to find Adam, knowing he'd done his work. He slithered away, chuckling to himself.
Hamish found him lying under a tree in the arms of another man. For some reason, this troubled Hamish. The man was skinny and had hardly any body hair. Must be a new experiment.
“Hamish, there you are. Hey, I made God make us another companion. Isn't he cute?” Adam said, gesturing to the man with him.
The man turned to look at Hamish. He grinned sleepily. “Hello there. You must be Hamish,” he said.
“Yeah, I am. And you are?” Hamish said.
“Andrew. Adam's rather attractive, don't you think?” the man said.
“Yeah, he is. Adam, why did we need a third man? Aren't I enough for you?” Hamish said.
“Oh, you are. You're all I'll ever need. But I like challenging God to make me more companions. If I get him high enough, he usually agrees. I might try again soon. I think Andrew here needs a mate,” Adam said.
There was a rustling in the bushes behind them and yet another man emerged. He was hairier than Andrew, and with much darker hair.
“There you are, Andrew. I've been looking for you. We've got work to do, remember?” the dark-haired man said.
“Chris, leave it. I'm having a rest,” Andrew said.
“No, come on. Let's leave Adam and Hamish alone and go find our own tree to lie under,” Chris said.
“Hmm, sounds like a plan. Sorry, Adam. I'll see you later,” Andrew said, extracting himself from Adam's embrace.
Adam smiled at them as they left, holding hands. Hamish watched them go, wondering why it was that he couldn't make God make him things when Adam could. He wanted to be able to make things, and he thought he could do so without God's help.
“Hey, what's that you've got there, Hamish?” Adam said, noticing the half-eaten fruit in his hand.
'Hmm? Oh, this is lovely, this fruit. You should try it,” Hamish enthused, handing him the apple.
Adam glanced at it before taking a bite. The groan of pleasure he gave was enough for Hamish to know he'd liked it too. It was almost the same sound he made as he came, Hamish realised. Fuck, the fruit was orgasmic. That'd be right.
“Fuck me. Where'd you get that from?” Adam said.
“Oh, there was a serpent. He told me to eat it, said it would free us,” Hamish said.
Adam froze afte rhis second bite. “is this from the tree we're not supposed to eat from?”
“Um...” Hamish wasn't sure he wanted to say so.
“Hamish! We're not supposed to eat that fruit! What were you thinking?” Adam said, dropping the fruit.
“I just wanted to try it. The serpent said it would be fine. He said it would unlock our true potential, or something,” Hamish said.
“Well, it was probably lying,” Adam said dismissively.
“Don't you want to find out what's out there? Outside the garden? We're isolated and insulated here. I want to see what the rest of the world is like,” Hamish said.
“Do you think there's more fruit out there?” Adam said.
“I don't know. But we won't know if we don't go and look,” Hamish said.
Adam got to his feet and took Hamish's hands in his. “You are a bad influence,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to his lips.
“I'll be paying for it for eternity, yes?” Hamish said.
“Yes you will, for you have eaten from the tree of knowledge, the tree I expressly forbade you to touch. I have no choice but to expell you from Eden. You have no place here, now that you know good and evil. Have you any excuse for what you've done?” came God's voice from the sky.
“I'm sorry, but there was a serpent named Craig. He told me to eat it! He said it wouldn't be too bad,” Hamish said.
“That serpent shall be cursed forever-”
“Hey! No fair! I was just giving their evolution a shove!” came Craig's voice from one of the trees.
“You are a vile creature, a cursed creature. Satan can have you, for all you're worth!” God said.
“Fine. Can I go with Adam and Hamish? I'm sick of this garden anyway,” Craig said.
“Leave my presence, the three of you! Never again shall you set foot in here, and you shall work the land and return to dust from whenst you came. Go!” God said, his voice loud and ringing out around the garden.
Heads hung, Adam took Hamish's hand and led him from the garden, Craig the serpent trailing behind him.
The gates to the garden slammed shut behind them, locking them out of paradise. The world they saw before them was completely different. There were fields and mountains and grass and things they'd seen inside the garden. There were small huts surrounded by tilled earth, and large animals grazed peacefully.
“Well, this isn't so bad,” Adam said.
“Hey, look, is that another man over there?” Hamish said, spotting what looked like a man guiding a large bovine across the ground, pulling something that was digging into the earth.
“It looks like it. Maybe we should go and see if he is and if he can help us,” Adam said.
“Whatever, guys. I'm outta here,” Craig said and slithered off, leaving them alone.
“I think we'll be alright, Hamish. Come on, let's see what he's doing,” Adam said.
They exchanged a smile and held hands. Life wasn't so bad without God, was it? Sure, they lacked the rich luxury of Eden, but it could be worse. They could be stuck in a desert, and this most certainly wasn't a desert. The soil was rich and fertile, and the land grew good crops.
“I bet you could raise a family out here,” Hamish said.
Adam chuckled. “I suppose you could.”
“Did God ever work out that male/male thing, or do we have to find a woman?” Hamish said.
“I think we have to find a woman, sadly. Ah well. First things first, let's go find somewhere to ive,” Adam said.
They exchanged smiles again, and Adam squeezed Hamish's hand. Hamish was excited. This was a whole new world to explore, and he couldn't fucking wait to see it all.
Author: Sashataakheru
Fandom: AusComedy/The Chaser
Characters: Adam Hills, Hamish Blake, Andrew Hansen, Chris Taylor, serpent!Craig Reucassel, God.
Pairings: Adam/Hamish, Adam/Andrew, Hamish/Craig, Chris/Andrew
Prompt: #15 Food Play for
50kinkywaysWord Count: 2,190
Warnings: abuse of a perfectly good Bible story, cockteasing, evil!Craig
Rating: FRM
Disclaimer: I don’t know them, not associated with them, just a slashy fangirl admirer with a very active imagination. Also, the Bible belongs to its many authors. I'm just borrowing a story and playing with it for my own amusement.
Author's Notes: This is all
desiredeffect's fault. :P Also, Chris and Andrew appeared of their own accord. XDSummary: Adam and Hamish in the Garden of Eden, with an evil serpent!Craig looking to get them into more trouble than they already get themselves into. XD
Original Sin
The Garden of Eden, all things considered, was a damn nice place to live. It had lush vegetation, every fruit you could possibly think of, and it was always warm and tropical. There was a lush rainforest and a river flowing through it and all manner of animal, bird and insect. Every living thing in existance could be found there, and Adam had had great fun naming them all. After he'd discovered that eating certain plants made your eyes do strange things, he'd enjoyed it even more. Adam and his lover had full run of the garden, and could eat whatever they wanted, except that one tree in the centre of the garden, which they were not allowed to touch. Adam thought this was fair enough. It's not like there was a shortage of food elsewhere.
This might be why there was now a bird with a long feathered tail and a crest on its head called a pee-cock (named with much giggling by Adam), and in a high-induced giggle-fest, Adam had convinced God to create an animal that was furry, swam in the water, had a duck's bill, flippers and claws, and laid eggs in a burrow. They had decided to call it a platypus, and loved the thought of future humans trying to work out what on earth made evolution create such a creature. God rather enjoyed messing with humans' heads.
Adam was lying under a tree now, his lover erotically feeding him grapes. This was Adam's second lover. He'd rejected the first and made God make him someone he was really into. Did it matter that he was another man? Well, Adam was a tad narcissistic, and procreation wasn't really a big priority. He figured God would either make him mate with the woman, or work out how to have boys make babies together. Adam secretly wished for the second option, because he knew God loved messing with humans. It wasn't that God was particularly malevolent, or benevolent. He just had a bit of a trickster in him. Or her. Or it. God never liked sticking with one appearance. It made it too easy to pin him down, and he hated being predictable. Besides, it would give humans one more layer of mystery to ponder. Never let it be said God would ever make it simple for humans to figure him out.
Adam groaned appreciately as his lover dropped another grape into his mouth. They were sweet and juicy, the most perfect grape ever. Well, everything in Eden was perfect.
“You are fucking gorgeous,” his lover said.
“Thank you. You're pretty hot yourself,” Adam smirked.
“Of course I am. I was made by God, after all. I'm practically perfect,” his lover said with a grin.
“Made in his image. You're so perfect, Hamish,” Adam said.
Hamish fluttered his eyelashes and looked at him meekly. “I'm all yours, Adam,” he said, taking his hand gently and kissing his fingers gently.
“Oh yes you are. All mine,” Adam said, pulling Hamish into a kiss.
And then they were rolling around on the lush grass, totally engrossed in each other, the lovely grapes forgotten in their lust.
In a nearby tree, a serpent watched, mischevious look in his eye. He was perched athletically, making sure he got the best angle of thei making out. He smirked to himself. They were far too innocent. They needed to be tempted, and the serpent knew just how to do it.
His idea set, the serpent slithered off, wanting to get Hamish on his own first.
The serpent got his chance some time later. Hamish had gone for a walk while Adam did some work in the garden. Hamish was admiring all the trees and the fruit they bared. He still didn't know all their names. Adam did, because Adam had named them all. He felt a little left out. He was the third lover at any rate, and God had decided that Adam losing two ribs was quite enough and refused to make any more until he'd perfected the art of the anaesthetic.
Hamish sat on a rock and gazed at the trees around him. It was then that he spotted the forbidden tree, the one God didn't want them to touch. It was rather shiny, wasn't it? Maybe it wouldn't hurt to have a look? No, better not. There's plenty of food to eat, and if God didn't want them touching it, so be it. He probably had his reasons.
“I think you do want to have a look at that tree, don't you?” the serpent hissed into Hamish's ear.
Hamish turned to see the serpent crouched beside him, curling around him. “And who are you? Why can you talk?”
“Oh, sorry, so rude of me not to intruduce myself. I'm Craig, and I'm a serpent, and I think you want to go have a look at that tree, don't you?” Craig the serpent said.
“But God said not to touch that tree,” Hamishsaid.
“It's okay just to look at it. He won't mind you admiring his work,” Craig said.
Hamish hesitated. Then he got to his feet and approached the giant tree. It sparkled like no other. It was beautiful, and the fruit it beared looked perfect in every way. Craig slithered up to the tree and climbed up the trunk, travelling along the branches to emerge through the leaves and encircle one of the enticing fruits.
“You should try it. It's the food of the Gods,” Craig said as he sunk his teeth into it, breaking off a chip and ate it.
“But God said not to,” Hamish said.
“God says a lot of things. Do you really want to remain completely obedient to a God? I can free you. Just taste the fruit. It'll blow your fucking mind,” Craig hissed.
“But why wouldn't you want to obey God?” Hamish said.
“Because blind obedience brings nothing. He is stifling your true potential. Eat the fruit and break free,” Craig said, breaking an apple off the tree with his tail and offering it to Hamish.
Hamish hesitated. Then he took the fruit and ate it, and by the Gods, it was the sweetest, juiciest, most perfect fruit he'd ever eaten. He was aware of a world he hadn't been aware of before. Also, he realised he was naked. And his dick was hard. He wasn't entirely sure why this was an issue. He hadn't cared before, and looking down, it's not like he had anything to hide. He had this desire to find out what was outside the garden, in the big wide world. His mind was full of ideas and thoughts he hadn't had before.
“Wow. That's some good shit,” Hamish said. “I'm gonna go give some to Adam.”
The serpent smirked as Hamish skipped off to find Adam, knowing he'd done his work. He slithered away, chuckling to himself.
Hamish found him lying under a tree in the arms of another man. For some reason, this troubled Hamish. The man was skinny and had hardly any body hair. Must be a new experiment.
“Hamish, there you are. Hey, I made God make us another companion. Isn't he cute?” Adam said, gesturing to the man with him.
The man turned to look at Hamish. He grinned sleepily. “Hello there. You must be Hamish,” he said.
“Yeah, I am. And you are?” Hamish said.
“Andrew. Adam's rather attractive, don't you think?” the man said.
“Yeah, he is. Adam, why did we need a third man? Aren't I enough for you?” Hamish said.
“Oh, you are. You're all I'll ever need. But I like challenging God to make me more companions. If I get him high enough, he usually agrees. I might try again soon. I think Andrew here needs a mate,” Adam said.
There was a rustling in the bushes behind them and yet another man emerged. He was hairier than Andrew, and with much darker hair.
“There you are, Andrew. I've been looking for you. We've got work to do, remember?” the dark-haired man said.
“Chris, leave it. I'm having a rest,” Andrew said.
“No, come on. Let's leave Adam and Hamish alone and go find our own tree to lie under,” Chris said.
“Hmm, sounds like a plan. Sorry, Adam. I'll see you later,” Andrew said, extracting himself from Adam's embrace.
Adam smiled at them as they left, holding hands. Hamish watched them go, wondering why it was that he couldn't make God make him things when Adam could. He wanted to be able to make things, and he thought he could do so without God's help.
“Hey, what's that you've got there, Hamish?” Adam said, noticing the half-eaten fruit in his hand.
'Hmm? Oh, this is lovely, this fruit. You should try it,” Hamish enthused, handing him the apple.
Adam glanced at it before taking a bite. The groan of pleasure he gave was enough for Hamish to know he'd liked it too. It was almost the same sound he made as he came, Hamish realised. Fuck, the fruit was orgasmic. That'd be right.
“Fuck me. Where'd you get that from?” Adam said.
“Oh, there was a serpent. He told me to eat it, said it would free us,” Hamish said.
Adam froze afte rhis second bite. “is this from the tree we're not supposed to eat from?”
“Um...” Hamish wasn't sure he wanted to say so.
“Hamish! We're not supposed to eat that fruit! What were you thinking?” Adam said, dropping the fruit.
“I just wanted to try it. The serpent said it would be fine. He said it would unlock our true potential, or something,” Hamish said.
“Well, it was probably lying,” Adam said dismissively.
“Don't you want to find out what's out there? Outside the garden? We're isolated and insulated here. I want to see what the rest of the world is like,” Hamish said.
“Do you think there's more fruit out there?” Adam said.
“I don't know. But we won't know if we don't go and look,” Hamish said.
Adam got to his feet and took Hamish's hands in his. “You are a bad influence,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to his lips.
“I'll be paying for it for eternity, yes?” Hamish said.
“Yes you will, for you have eaten from the tree of knowledge, the tree I expressly forbade you to touch. I have no choice but to expell you from Eden. You have no place here, now that you know good and evil. Have you any excuse for what you've done?” came God's voice from the sky.
“I'm sorry, but there was a serpent named Craig. He told me to eat it! He said it wouldn't be too bad,” Hamish said.
“That serpent shall be cursed forever-”
“Hey! No fair! I was just giving their evolution a shove!” came Craig's voice from one of the trees.
“You are a vile creature, a cursed creature. Satan can have you, for all you're worth!” God said.
“Fine. Can I go with Adam and Hamish? I'm sick of this garden anyway,” Craig said.
“Leave my presence, the three of you! Never again shall you set foot in here, and you shall work the land and return to dust from whenst you came. Go!” God said, his voice loud and ringing out around the garden.
Heads hung, Adam took Hamish's hand and led him from the garden, Craig the serpent trailing behind him.
The gates to the garden slammed shut behind them, locking them out of paradise. The world they saw before them was completely different. There were fields and mountains and grass and things they'd seen inside the garden. There were small huts surrounded by tilled earth, and large animals grazed peacefully.
“Well, this isn't so bad,” Adam said.
“Hey, look, is that another man over there?” Hamish said, spotting what looked like a man guiding a large bovine across the ground, pulling something that was digging into the earth.
“It looks like it. Maybe we should go and see if he is and if he can help us,” Adam said.
“Whatever, guys. I'm outta here,” Craig said and slithered off, leaving them alone.
“I think we'll be alright, Hamish. Come on, let's see what he's doing,” Adam said.
They exchanged a smile and held hands. Life wasn't so bad without God, was it? Sure, they lacked the rich luxury of Eden, but it could be worse. They could be stuck in a desert, and this most certainly wasn't a desert. The soil was rich and fertile, and the land grew good crops.
“I bet you could raise a family out here,” Hamish said.
Adam chuckled. “I suppose you could.”
“Did God ever work out that male/male thing, or do we have to find a woman?” Hamish said.
“I think we have to find a woman, sadly. Ah well. First things first, let's go find somewhere to ive,” Adam said.
They exchanged smiles again, and Adam squeezed Hamish's hand. Hamish was excited. This was a whole new world to explore, and he couldn't fucking wait to see it all.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2008-05-15 10:11 pm (UTC)I totally take the blame for this story. It's awesome.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-05-16 12:50 am (UTC)Haha, yeah, it's all your fault. :P But yes, I rather enjoyed writing it.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-05-15 11:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-05-16 12:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-05-16 12:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-05-16 12:59 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-05-16 10:13 am (UTC)ADMISH!! Oh, how I have missed thee. :P
Also, the story is just fabulous, and gloriously cracktastic. Some of those lines still have me giggling like a maniac.
“Hey! No fair! I was just giving their evolution a shove!” came Craig's voice from one of the trees. Best line ever. XD
*glomps* ILU Sasha. :DD
(no subject)
Date: 2008-05-16 10:21 am (UTC)Haha, thanks. I did enjoy writing this, and making it awesome. :D
Hee! XD Yes, there was snark everywhere here. XD
*pounces* ILU too. <3