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wolfanficsTitle: When The Bad Times Come
Author: sashataakheru
Fandoms: No Doubt/Placebo RPS
Starring: Tom Dumont, Tony Kanal, Gwen Stefani, Adrian Young, Brian Molko, Stefan Olsdal, Steve Hewitt
Pairing: Tom/Tony, Tom/Stefan
Previous: 1 - Punishment and Tears | 2 - Strangers And Jealousy
Warnings: violence, D/s themes, implied drug use
Word Count: 3,117
Disclaimer: Not true in any way, shape or form
Author's Notes: Setting is... SE Californian desert, near Palm Springs (IIRC). Based on a Placebo fic with a similar theme. This one took it's own journey though.
Summary: Tom and Stefan grow closer as they wait for their Mistress to emerge. Little does Tom know the decision Tony made and the consequences it will have for their relationship.
When The Bad Times Come
I woke up before him and lay in bed, listening to his breathing. Everything still ached, but the pain had lessened somewhat, which I was grateful for. He had his arm around me across my chest as he slept on his stomach. I was surprised to see what appeared to be real sunlight in the windows. I’d gotten so used to the darkness I’d forgotten what it’s like to wake up to the sunlight warming the room. I lay there for, I don’t know, a long time until Stefan woke. I felt him move beside me and turned to look at him. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked over my body, obviously seeing how the bruises had healed.
“Hey, how are you this morning?” he said.
“Feeling a bit stiff, but not as achy. I think I slept well. How are you?”
“Still worried for you, but I can see you’re healing, so at least I know you’re going to be alright. How long have you been awake?”
“A while, though I don’t really know. I was happy to lie there and wait for you to wake. It gave me time to think.”
“What did you think about?”
“Everything and nothing,” I sighed. “Why does everyone hate me, Stefan?”
“I don’t know. Why do you think everyone hates you?”
“I can feel it. Even Ton said I’m the lowest round here. Everyone feels the need to order me about and abuse me, and this isn’t the first time I’ve been bashed. Usually, I’m left to take care of myself. Not even Ton would care. I could see no love in his eyes when I staggered in one day after being bashed. That just made me feels worse. I think I cried all night back then, or at least til Ton told me to shut the fuck up and stop my whining because he needed to sleep. Why do they keep taking advantage of my kindness? No one loves me here. She doesn’t love me, Tony doesn’t love me; not even the Gods love me.”
“I love you.”
“I know you do, but you’re different. You’re not like anyone else here. You don’t seem so easily swayed by her magick.”
“Well, I am much taller than her and strong enough to hurt her badly. Perhaps she feels threatened by me. Who knows?”
“It’s just not fair. I give my heart and soul into my service, yet they throw it back to me broken and bruised. What do I have to do to please them?”
“Don’t you worry about pleasing them. You’ll only spend your whole life trying and getting nothing in return. Hey, come here; don’t start crying on me now.”
He took me into his arms. I was crying. I leant my head against his chest and just cried. Everything hurt all over again. I felt betrayed and lonely, and I hated the way my heart stung with pain. I could feel the loneliness and depression creeping back in, silent and heavy like a black thundercloud. I wanted it to go away, I didn’t want it there anymore, but it felt too heavy to push away. I went back to all those lonely months locked away in the darkness and felt that awful, freezing coldness. I started shivering in his arms. He just held me tighter.
“Where are you now? Why are you shivering?” His voice sounded so distant, so far away from me.
“The darkness! The darkness is so cold! There’s only blackness around me, freezing cold blackness!”
I was so lost in my mind I didn’t realise I was actually screaming to him even though we were so close. I screamed because I was trying to reach him. He said I sounded frightened. I wanted to be back with him and tried to find a way out of the darkness. I didn’t know where I was anymore. I could see nothing but blackness, freezing cold blackness. I could feel myself groping around in the darkness, trying to find something to save myself with. Everything disappeared. I felt nothing around me.
“Save me, save me! I want to be with you!”
Whatever he did, I suddenly felt a slight warmth in a small area around me. I tried to walk towards it, but still felt nothing.
“Stefan! Stefan! Where are you?”
Then a bright white light shone before me and all I could do was back away from it, scared of the searing heat coming from it. It came towards me and I kept backing away. I tried to keep it back, but it sped up and engulfed me. I closed my eyes and screamed, expecting to die.
Suddenly, everything was warm and the darkness was gone. I felt no pain, and the searing heat was gone. I didn’t dare open my eyes, afraid to see where I was. I could hear voices all around me, though they seemed very distant. They were almost inaudible. I couldn’t recognise them at first. They were too quiet. But, then I heard a voice I did know.
“Tom! Tom! Come back! I’m right here with you!”
“Stefan! Where are you?”
“Tom! I’m right here! Everything’s going to be alright! You’re safe now!”
His voice got louder, and I struggled to find where it was coming from. I opened my eyes a crack and saw him standing before me, though some distance away. Opening my eyes fully, I started running to him. I could see him getting closer as I ran, and I called to him, wanting him to hold me and keep me safe.
“Stefan! Don’t leave me here! Stefan!”
I saw him open his arms to me. I wanted to be with him more than anything. Before I realised what had happened, I crashed into someone and fell to the floor. I looked up to see Tony standing there, his arms crossed, looking angry. I had no idea why he was there. I wanted to be with Stefan, and he was getting in the way. I stood up and went to push past him, but he stopped me.
“He is not to be trusted,” he hissed to me. “He will betray you, use you, use your love to control you, just like she does. See, he leaves you even now.”
I looked past him and realised that Stefan was fading, getting further away from me. That only served to make me even more desperate to be with him.
“No, you speak lies, Tony. He loves me! I know he does!”
I pushed Tony out of the way and ran to Stefan, his figure slowly getting closer to me. He opened his arms to me again, and when I finally crashed into them, I held him so tightly I never wanted to let him go. I didn’t want him to leave. I was so relieved to see him. I was almost crying.
“You didn’t leave. You didn’t leave!”
“I’ll never leave you. I made a promise never to leave you. I’m not going to break it now.”
I started to cry again and closed my eyes as I leant my head against his chest. I could feel a deep peace wash over me and when I opened my eyes again, there he was holding me still, his eyes worried and anxious. I was back in our room again on his bed. I heard another voice.
“Is he alright? What’s all the yelling about?”
“It’s ok, Steve. He’s back now. I don’t know what just happened, but he’s back from wherever he went.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I‘m sorry-” I don’t think I was even aware of what I was saying. It all just spilled out.
“Sh. Don’t say anything, Tom. It’s all gonna be fine now.”
I couldn’t say anything to that. I just let him hold me. I didn’t hear him send Steve away, but when he spoke again, I couldn’t sense him there anymore.
“Are you alright, Tom? You sure scared me. What happened? Where did you go?”
“The darkness, it came back again. I didn’t want it there and tried to fight it away, but it beat me. I let it take over again. I went to the bad place again. There was nothing but coldness, bitter, freezing coldness, and only blackness around me. It was so cold and so miserable. I was remembering when I was – back when-” I shivered, unable to finish the sentence for fear of inviting the darkness back in again.
“You poor tortured soul. Don’t worry; the darkness won’t come back again.”
“Why does she do this to me?” I whispered.
“I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
“Don’t leave me.”
“I won’t.”
I lay there in his arms for a while longer til I had gotten the experience out of my head. Then he helped me up and washed me again. This time we showered so he could hold me, and he did. He held me as I tried to let the water wash the darkness away. I pictured the darkness washing away with the suds, that horrible blackness washing away forever. He was still as gentle as anything. Once he’d finished, he lay me down on the bed and gave me a gentle massage to help loosen my stiff muscles. It was just as we’d finished dressing that we became aware that something was wrong. I could hear all this activity outside, people rushing around. I looked at Stefan and opened the door to see what the problem was. I grabbed someone’s arm to ask. I was surprised to note how scared their eyes were.
“What’s all this about? Has she finally emerged?”
“Please, don’t get me in trouble. Something bad’s happened. No one really knows what, but she’s called everyone to the hall. You’d better hurry. I think she’s really angry this time.”
In my shock, I let him go and he scurried off. “Stefan, we’d better go. I don’t like this one bit. She’ll know if we’re not there.”
Closing the door behind us, we followed everyone to the hall. Everyone was here by now, crowding around as they tried to work out what was going on. Everyone was talking. I couldn’t see her anywhere. Then, I heard the low, ominous drumbeat through the air. I shivered. That was only ever used to signal punishment. Someone had done something bad and she was going to make sure we all learnt by example. The hall fell silent. Then I saw her. God, she looked frightening. She was angry, you could tell. She wore black lace and velvet, her hair tightly held in place. Then in came Brian and Adrian. I wondered where Ton was. I noticed that Adrian and Brian were pulling someone along, and I was suddenly filled with dread as my mind placed Ton there almost by default.
“Is it Ton?” I whispered to Stefan.
“Yeah, and he looks pretty beat up. I don’t like the look of this at all.”
I swallowed my fear and shivered again. I felt Stefan’s arms around me and I pressed into him, wanting to feel safe. I wondered what he could have done to invoke her wrath. It was obviously something bad, something terrible enough to warrant this kind of reaction.
She stood before us and looked over us all. I didn’t want to look at her, but I was afraid not to obey her. I saw Ton hoisted up and slumped on the ground before her. He really did look badly beaten. I almost felt sorry for him, but a part of me remembered what he’d done to me earlier and it was hard to muster enough strength to feel sorry for him.
“We’ve got a disobedient little slave here,” she said. Then she looked down at Ton. “Don’t we, Tony?” Looking up again, she said, “Disobedient slaves must be punished.”
“I-I’m sorry, Mis-”
“Shut up, Tony. You’re not fuckin sorry at all.” She hit his head hard and I heard him cry out. I could hear his fear. “What you’ve done is betrayal. I can’t have betrayers in this mansion. Who do you love?” She held his chin up and stared into his eyes furiously.
“Tom.” I could barely hear his voice, it was so quiet. I almost didn’t catch his answer.
“Louder,” she commanded.
“Tom.” Now I knew what he said and I was shocked and scared. If he loved me, why the fuck did he rape me? Why the hell didn’t he tell me when he had the chance?
“Proclaim it before everyone.” She pulled him to his feet and turned him towards us. I was so scared she’d bring me up and punish me too. I tried to meet his gaze, but saw nothing but his terrified eyes.
“I don’t love you. I love Tom. I love Tom! Gods, I love you Tom!” His fervour frightened me. He was looking straight at me, his eyes fierce, passionate, and scared all at once. I never knew he felt so strongly about it. Why didn’t you tell me, Ton? Why didn’t you tell me?
She dropped him then and he fell to a heap on the ground. “Pathetic disobedient little shit. Does Tom return your love?”
She was looking directly at me now, almost daring me to contradict her. She obviously still believed I didn’t love him. Truthfully, I was angry with him for pushing me away so much and attacking me, and this new proclamation of love sounded… false, to me, anyway. I could see Ton getting up onto his hands to look at me. I could see how pained his face was, but I couldn’t bring myself to forgive him for what he’d done to me.
“Go to him. Tell him you love him,” I heard Stefan whisper to me.
“No. He brought this upon himself. He has done nothing to show he has any real love for me,” I said. “I’ll go to him, but not in love, that’s for sure.”
I pressed forward through the crowd towards them. Stefan followed behind me, keeping an eye on me. I walked up to the stage where they were and stood there, staring into Ton’s eyes. I was angry for this betrayal. At least, I thought it was a betrayal.
“Please, please Tom. I need your love.” I could see his pleading eyes fill with fear.
“I don’t love you. Why should I? You and Brian attacked and raped me a few days ago and laughed about it afterwards. You don’t deserve my love. Only she does,” I said, looking up at her.
“No, you don’t know what you’re doing! Please, she’ll kill me! Tom, please, I need your love!”
“No, you don’t. I hate you!”
Then he grabbed my head and kissed me, pulling me close to him. I instantly felt repulsed by this and broke away from him.
“What the fuck are you doing? Get off me!” I stepped back a few steps, angry at his attack.
“Tony, obviously he doesn’t return your love. Now, what should I do with you? One of my favoured ones has been disobedient. I ask only that you love me completely; do this and I will look after you. You have clearly broken this vow. You will never find my favour again.” She looked at me then. “Do you have any suggestions?”
“I don’t care what the fuck you do with him. Whatever you decide, make it hurt like hell. Draw it out as long as possible. I want him to suffer.” I was surprised at the anger in my voice.
“Oh, he will suffer, Tom. I can guarantee that.”
I could see that Ton’s eyes were utterly frightened now. I felt Stefan grab my hand. I turned to look at him and lowered my head. “What’s done is done. I didn’t ask for this,” I said to him quietly. Her voice brought me back to what was happening.
“Yes, a public flogging should do for starters, then we’ll take you down to the dungeons. You won’t be leaving there for a long time.”
A whip then appeared in her hands. Brian and Adrian roughly chained Ton’s wrists to a scaffold-type set-up. I could see him hanging there, his head lowered to his chest, just waiting for the pain to come. He was naked, which tore my heart between pity and apathy. When she started whipping him, and his pitiful, terrified, pained sobs filled the air, it really took a lot of effort to hold everything together. I was still angry, but I knew how much that fucking hurt. I must’ve instinctively shivered because I felt Stefan’s arms close around my shoulders. I can’t remember how long she flogged him for, but it seemed like an eternity. His skin was tinged with red when they finally took him down. God, he’d bled so much. But, then a voice in my head reminded me of what he’d done to me and then it didn’t matter. I remembered the shocking pain of him pounding into me, his horrible laughter as he left with Brian. Then, I didn’t care what she did to him. I wanted him to hurt as much as he’d hurt me. I’m not sure I even noticed him being carried away, but I did hear his one last cry before he vanished below the ground.
“Tom, I love you! I did this for you! If you won’t forgive me, at least know that I never meant to hurt you!”
God, that haunted me for the next three days. I wasn’t even sure if I trusted him, hated him, loved him, or if I’d even managed to forgive him. I talked with Stefan a lot during those days. I didn’t know what to believe. I’d never expected Ton to come out and say those things. For all I knew, he hated me. He’d made that perfectly clear the day he and Brian attacked me.
Meanwhile, the house had been forced into draconian rule (not that it wasn't already). She went psycho trying to control us and remind us that we belong to her and that she is the only one we are allowed to love. She worked us harder than normal, punishing anyone who strayed even the tiniest bit. We busied ourselves with out work, trying to keep from thinking about Ton down in the dungeons. He didn’t come back for six weeks. By then, I’d almost forgotten about him. Indeed, most of the mansion had forgotten about him. We were expecting him to be tortured and killed. We weren’t prepared for his return.
To be continued…
Author: sashataakheru
Fandoms: No Doubt/Placebo RPS
Starring: Tom Dumont, Tony Kanal, Gwen Stefani, Adrian Young, Brian Molko, Stefan Olsdal, Steve Hewitt
Pairing: Tom/Tony, Tom/Stefan
Previous: 1 - Punishment and Tears | 2 - Strangers And Jealousy
Warnings: violence, D/s themes, implied drug use
Word Count: 3,117
Disclaimer: Not true in any way, shape or form
Author's Notes: Setting is... SE Californian desert, near Palm Springs (IIRC). Based on a Placebo fic with a similar theme. This one took it's own journey though.
Summary: Tom and Stefan grow closer as they wait for their Mistress to emerge. Little does Tom know the decision Tony made and the consequences it will have for their relationship.
When The Bad Times Come
I woke up before him and lay in bed, listening to his breathing. Everything still ached, but the pain had lessened somewhat, which I was grateful for. He had his arm around me across my chest as he slept on his stomach. I was surprised to see what appeared to be real sunlight in the windows. I’d gotten so used to the darkness I’d forgotten what it’s like to wake up to the sunlight warming the room. I lay there for, I don’t know, a long time until Stefan woke. I felt him move beside me and turned to look at him. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked over my body, obviously seeing how the bruises had healed.
“Hey, how are you this morning?” he said.
“Feeling a bit stiff, but not as achy. I think I slept well. How are you?”
“Still worried for you, but I can see you’re healing, so at least I know you’re going to be alright. How long have you been awake?”
“A while, though I don’t really know. I was happy to lie there and wait for you to wake. It gave me time to think.”
“What did you think about?”
“Everything and nothing,” I sighed. “Why does everyone hate me, Stefan?”
“I don’t know. Why do you think everyone hates you?”
“I can feel it. Even Ton said I’m the lowest round here. Everyone feels the need to order me about and abuse me, and this isn’t the first time I’ve been bashed. Usually, I’m left to take care of myself. Not even Ton would care. I could see no love in his eyes when I staggered in one day after being bashed. That just made me feels worse. I think I cried all night back then, or at least til Ton told me to shut the fuck up and stop my whining because he needed to sleep. Why do they keep taking advantage of my kindness? No one loves me here. She doesn’t love me, Tony doesn’t love me; not even the Gods love me.”
“I love you.”
“I know you do, but you’re different. You’re not like anyone else here. You don’t seem so easily swayed by her magick.”
“Well, I am much taller than her and strong enough to hurt her badly. Perhaps she feels threatened by me. Who knows?”
“It’s just not fair. I give my heart and soul into my service, yet they throw it back to me broken and bruised. What do I have to do to please them?”
“Don’t you worry about pleasing them. You’ll only spend your whole life trying and getting nothing in return. Hey, come here; don’t start crying on me now.”
He took me into his arms. I was crying. I leant my head against his chest and just cried. Everything hurt all over again. I felt betrayed and lonely, and I hated the way my heart stung with pain. I could feel the loneliness and depression creeping back in, silent and heavy like a black thundercloud. I wanted it to go away, I didn’t want it there anymore, but it felt too heavy to push away. I went back to all those lonely months locked away in the darkness and felt that awful, freezing coldness. I started shivering in his arms. He just held me tighter.
“Where are you now? Why are you shivering?” His voice sounded so distant, so far away from me.
“The darkness! The darkness is so cold! There’s only blackness around me, freezing cold blackness!”
I was so lost in my mind I didn’t realise I was actually screaming to him even though we were so close. I screamed because I was trying to reach him. He said I sounded frightened. I wanted to be back with him and tried to find a way out of the darkness. I didn’t know where I was anymore. I could see nothing but blackness, freezing cold blackness. I could feel myself groping around in the darkness, trying to find something to save myself with. Everything disappeared. I felt nothing around me.
“Save me, save me! I want to be with you!”
Whatever he did, I suddenly felt a slight warmth in a small area around me. I tried to walk towards it, but still felt nothing.
“Stefan! Stefan! Where are you?”
Then a bright white light shone before me and all I could do was back away from it, scared of the searing heat coming from it. It came towards me and I kept backing away. I tried to keep it back, but it sped up and engulfed me. I closed my eyes and screamed, expecting to die.
Suddenly, everything was warm and the darkness was gone. I felt no pain, and the searing heat was gone. I didn’t dare open my eyes, afraid to see where I was. I could hear voices all around me, though they seemed very distant. They were almost inaudible. I couldn’t recognise them at first. They were too quiet. But, then I heard a voice I did know.
“Tom! Tom! Come back! I’m right here with you!”
“Stefan! Where are you?”
“Tom! I’m right here! Everything’s going to be alright! You’re safe now!”
His voice got louder, and I struggled to find where it was coming from. I opened my eyes a crack and saw him standing before me, though some distance away. Opening my eyes fully, I started running to him. I could see him getting closer as I ran, and I called to him, wanting him to hold me and keep me safe.
“Stefan! Don’t leave me here! Stefan!”
I saw him open his arms to me. I wanted to be with him more than anything. Before I realised what had happened, I crashed into someone and fell to the floor. I looked up to see Tony standing there, his arms crossed, looking angry. I had no idea why he was there. I wanted to be with Stefan, and he was getting in the way. I stood up and went to push past him, but he stopped me.
“He is not to be trusted,” he hissed to me. “He will betray you, use you, use your love to control you, just like she does. See, he leaves you even now.”
I looked past him and realised that Stefan was fading, getting further away from me. That only served to make me even more desperate to be with him.
“No, you speak lies, Tony. He loves me! I know he does!”
I pushed Tony out of the way and ran to Stefan, his figure slowly getting closer to me. He opened his arms to me again, and when I finally crashed into them, I held him so tightly I never wanted to let him go. I didn’t want him to leave. I was so relieved to see him. I was almost crying.
“You didn’t leave. You didn’t leave!”
“I’ll never leave you. I made a promise never to leave you. I’m not going to break it now.”
I started to cry again and closed my eyes as I leant my head against his chest. I could feel a deep peace wash over me and when I opened my eyes again, there he was holding me still, his eyes worried and anxious. I was back in our room again on his bed. I heard another voice.
“Is he alright? What’s all the yelling about?”
“It’s ok, Steve. He’s back now. I don’t know what just happened, but he’s back from wherever he went.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I‘m sorry-” I don’t think I was even aware of what I was saying. It all just spilled out.
“Sh. Don’t say anything, Tom. It’s all gonna be fine now.”
I couldn’t say anything to that. I just let him hold me. I didn’t hear him send Steve away, but when he spoke again, I couldn’t sense him there anymore.
“Are you alright, Tom? You sure scared me. What happened? Where did you go?”
“The darkness, it came back again. I didn’t want it there and tried to fight it away, but it beat me. I let it take over again. I went to the bad place again. There was nothing but coldness, bitter, freezing coldness, and only blackness around me. It was so cold and so miserable. I was remembering when I was – back when-” I shivered, unable to finish the sentence for fear of inviting the darkness back in again.
“You poor tortured soul. Don’t worry; the darkness won’t come back again.”
“Why does she do this to me?” I whispered.
“I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
“Don’t leave me.”
“I won’t.”
I lay there in his arms for a while longer til I had gotten the experience out of my head. Then he helped me up and washed me again. This time we showered so he could hold me, and he did. He held me as I tried to let the water wash the darkness away. I pictured the darkness washing away with the suds, that horrible blackness washing away forever. He was still as gentle as anything. Once he’d finished, he lay me down on the bed and gave me a gentle massage to help loosen my stiff muscles. It was just as we’d finished dressing that we became aware that something was wrong. I could hear all this activity outside, people rushing around. I looked at Stefan and opened the door to see what the problem was. I grabbed someone’s arm to ask. I was surprised to note how scared their eyes were.
“What’s all this about? Has she finally emerged?”
“Please, don’t get me in trouble. Something bad’s happened. No one really knows what, but she’s called everyone to the hall. You’d better hurry. I think she’s really angry this time.”
In my shock, I let him go and he scurried off. “Stefan, we’d better go. I don’t like this one bit. She’ll know if we’re not there.”
Closing the door behind us, we followed everyone to the hall. Everyone was here by now, crowding around as they tried to work out what was going on. Everyone was talking. I couldn’t see her anywhere. Then, I heard the low, ominous drumbeat through the air. I shivered. That was only ever used to signal punishment. Someone had done something bad and she was going to make sure we all learnt by example. The hall fell silent. Then I saw her. God, she looked frightening. She was angry, you could tell. She wore black lace and velvet, her hair tightly held in place. Then in came Brian and Adrian. I wondered where Ton was. I noticed that Adrian and Brian were pulling someone along, and I was suddenly filled with dread as my mind placed Ton there almost by default.
“Is it Ton?” I whispered to Stefan.
“Yeah, and he looks pretty beat up. I don’t like the look of this at all.”
I swallowed my fear and shivered again. I felt Stefan’s arms around me and I pressed into him, wanting to feel safe. I wondered what he could have done to invoke her wrath. It was obviously something bad, something terrible enough to warrant this kind of reaction.
She stood before us and looked over us all. I didn’t want to look at her, but I was afraid not to obey her. I saw Ton hoisted up and slumped on the ground before her. He really did look badly beaten. I almost felt sorry for him, but a part of me remembered what he’d done to me earlier and it was hard to muster enough strength to feel sorry for him.
“We’ve got a disobedient little slave here,” she said. Then she looked down at Ton. “Don’t we, Tony?” Looking up again, she said, “Disobedient slaves must be punished.”
“I-I’m sorry, Mis-”
“Shut up, Tony. You’re not fuckin sorry at all.” She hit his head hard and I heard him cry out. I could hear his fear. “What you’ve done is betrayal. I can’t have betrayers in this mansion. Who do you love?” She held his chin up and stared into his eyes furiously.
“Tom.” I could barely hear his voice, it was so quiet. I almost didn’t catch his answer.
“Louder,” she commanded.
“Tom.” Now I knew what he said and I was shocked and scared. If he loved me, why the fuck did he rape me? Why the hell didn’t he tell me when he had the chance?
“Proclaim it before everyone.” She pulled him to his feet and turned him towards us. I was so scared she’d bring me up and punish me too. I tried to meet his gaze, but saw nothing but his terrified eyes.
“I don’t love you. I love Tom. I love Tom! Gods, I love you Tom!” His fervour frightened me. He was looking straight at me, his eyes fierce, passionate, and scared all at once. I never knew he felt so strongly about it. Why didn’t you tell me, Ton? Why didn’t you tell me?
She dropped him then and he fell to a heap on the ground. “Pathetic disobedient little shit. Does Tom return your love?”
She was looking directly at me now, almost daring me to contradict her. She obviously still believed I didn’t love him. Truthfully, I was angry with him for pushing me away so much and attacking me, and this new proclamation of love sounded… false, to me, anyway. I could see Ton getting up onto his hands to look at me. I could see how pained his face was, but I couldn’t bring myself to forgive him for what he’d done to me.
“Go to him. Tell him you love him,” I heard Stefan whisper to me.
“No. He brought this upon himself. He has done nothing to show he has any real love for me,” I said. “I’ll go to him, but not in love, that’s for sure.”
I pressed forward through the crowd towards them. Stefan followed behind me, keeping an eye on me. I walked up to the stage where they were and stood there, staring into Ton’s eyes. I was angry for this betrayal. At least, I thought it was a betrayal.
“Please, please Tom. I need your love.” I could see his pleading eyes fill with fear.
“I don’t love you. Why should I? You and Brian attacked and raped me a few days ago and laughed about it afterwards. You don’t deserve my love. Only she does,” I said, looking up at her.
“No, you don’t know what you’re doing! Please, she’ll kill me! Tom, please, I need your love!”
“No, you don’t. I hate you!”
Then he grabbed my head and kissed me, pulling me close to him. I instantly felt repulsed by this and broke away from him.
“What the fuck are you doing? Get off me!” I stepped back a few steps, angry at his attack.
“Tony, obviously he doesn’t return your love. Now, what should I do with you? One of my favoured ones has been disobedient. I ask only that you love me completely; do this and I will look after you. You have clearly broken this vow. You will never find my favour again.” She looked at me then. “Do you have any suggestions?”
“I don’t care what the fuck you do with him. Whatever you decide, make it hurt like hell. Draw it out as long as possible. I want him to suffer.” I was surprised at the anger in my voice.
“Oh, he will suffer, Tom. I can guarantee that.”
I could see that Ton’s eyes were utterly frightened now. I felt Stefan grab my hand. I turned to look at him and lowered my head. “What’s done is done. I didn’t ask for this,” I said to him quietly. Her voice brought me back to what was happening.
“Yes, a public flogging should do for starters, then we’ll take you down to the dungeons. You won’t be leaving there for a long time.”
A whip then appeared in her hands. Brian and Adrian roughly chained Ton’s wrists to a scaffold-type set-up. I could see him hanging there, his head lowered to his chest, just waiting for the pain to come. He was naked, which tore my heart between pity and apathy. When she started whipping him, and his pitiful, terrified, pained sobs filled the air, it really took a lot of effort to hold everything together. I was still angry, but I knew how much that fucking hurt. I must’ve instinctively shivered because I felt Stefan’s arms close around my shoulders. I can’t remember how long she flogged him for, but it seemed like an eternity. His skin was tinged with red when they finally took him down. God, he’d bled so much. But, then a voice in my head reminded me of what he’d done to me and then it didn’t matter. I remembered the shocking pain of him pounding into me, his horrible laughter as he left with Brian. Then, I didn’t care what she did to him. I wanted him to hurt as much as he’d hurt me. I’m not sure I even noticed him being carried away, but I did hear his one last cry before he vanished below the ground.
“Tom, I love you! I did this for you! If you won’t forgive me, at least know that I never meant to hurt you!”
God, that haunted me for the next three days. I wasn’t even sure if I trusted him, hated him, loved him, or if I’d even managed to forgive him. I talked with Stefan a lot during those days. I didn’t know what to believe. I’d never expected Ton to come out and say those things. For all I knew, he hated me. He’d made that perfectly clear the day he and Brian attacked me.
Meanwhile, the house had been forced into draconian rule (not that it wasn't already). She went psycho trying to control us and remind us that we belong to her and that she is the only one we are allowed to love. She worked us harder than normal, punishing anyone who strayed even the tiniest bit. We busied ourselves with out work, trying to keep from thinking about Ton down in the dungeons. He didn’t come back for six weeks. By then, I’d almost forgotten about him. Indeed, most of the mansion had forgotten about him. We were expecting him to be tortured and killed. We weren’t prepared for his return.
To be continued…
