![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolfanficsTitle: I Wish That Hadn’t Happened
Author: Sashataakheru
Fandom: The Chaser
Starring: Craig Reucassel, Chris Taylor, Andrew Hansen
Pairings: Chris/Craig/Andrew, implied Andrew/Charles
Prompts: #56 Cyber and #52 Role Play for smut69
Word Count: 4,424
Warnings: smut, kink, bondage themes, pathetic!Cris
Rating: FRAO
Table: http://wolfanfics.dreamwidth.org/37785.html
Disclaimer: I don’t know them, not associated with them, just a slashy fangirl admirer with a very active imagination.
Author’s Notes: I love the meta in this. That is all. Also, read title in Frank Woodley’s voice for extra lulz. XD Also, I totes blame KT for this. So there. :P
Author’s Notes II: Also, pondered this as two separate fics, but, well, it just didn’t work that way. *headdesk* Most drawn out smutfic evar, y/y? XD
Summary: Chris is getting, well, a little desperate, and decides to make his own porn. This time, however, his secret is not at all safe and the repercussions are not what he expected. Chris' writings in italics.
I Wish That Hadn’t Happened
…You come over, looking damn shaggable in that jacket I like, the moonlight shimmering behind you as you stand in my doorway. I invite you in with a tender kiss, taking your slender body in my arms as I embrace you. I-
Chris stopped writing. He always did at that point. The desperation flooding his body had been growing too strong to resist any longer. Too afraid to actually ask for sex, especially with men, even more especially from his friends and colleagues, and finally bored with the porn he had, Chris had stooped to writing it. Unwilling to leave them in a place just anyone could find them, he had taken to writing emails to himself, filling his inbox with smut mostly involving himself, and either Craig or Andrew in place of an anonymous lover.
He left his hands on the keyboard to stop himself giving in. He knew what he wanted to write, knew how this particular scene would play out, and yet…
He deleted what he’d written and started again. His desperation and inability to fancy either Craig or Andrew had changed his mind. Instead of a delicate romantic love session, it would become something else entirely.
You arrive together, innocence absent from your eyes. Craig smiles in a way that I know means he’s up to something. He leans against the doorframe and sneers at me. You hang back a little, letting him take centre stage, at least for the moment. There’s no welcome kiss. Craig steps inside and you follow, shutting the door behind you. The way you’re both dressed make me wonder what you’re up to.
“Are you gonna get naked already, or…?”
It’s a command. The way Craig paces forward, herding me backwards inside my tiny flat. He’s irresistible. You follow, cornering me. You’re both being predatory, and I’m not as afraid as I’d have thought I would be. Craig presses against me, gripping my chin in his hand as he peers at me. When you close in on the other side, your hands wandering, I just-
Chris stopped again and bit his lip. The images in his head now were far more dangerous than he’d first anticipated. He rarely wrote himself like this. In fact, he never did. He never allowed himself to write anything other than the egotistical brilliant man that he believed he was, or wanted to be, at any rate. In his head, he was suave, sophisticated, charming and an excellent lover, and this was how he usually wrote himself. However, this new side, this pathetic, snivelling, submissive side was altogether far more frightening because he knew, deep down, that it was true. That’s what he was really like.
His finger hovered over the Backspace button, but he couldn’t bring himself to press it and delete what he’d written. So he kept writing. The scene unfolded before him, words spreading over the page as he gave in to the fantasy in his head. It had become cathartic, finally giving voice to the side of him he’d deliberately ignored for years.
-and you undress me carefully, Craig kneeling at my feet. You stalk around me, commanding my obedience. You don’t need to speak. Your eyes tell me all I need to know to make me bow and worship you like a god. You both stand above me, sneering at me. Craig pushes me down and I kneel and bow and cower before you. You know what I need. You lean down and whisper to me.
“I’m not gonna let you come all night, bitch. Think you can last that long?”
And your voice cuts through my head and I bite my lip and suddenly, naked before you, I know I’m completely alone and helpless to-
He was painfully aroused by the time he’d finished. He’d written several pages of smut, more than he’d anticipated, as he detailed every little aspect of that particular fantasy, from the sound of Craig’s voice to the warmth of Andrew’s skin and the pain from his bite. He’d resisted the urge to masturbate at the same time. The words had been too insistent in their need to be written and overruled any need he had to wank.
He stared at what he’d written. It was disgustingly filthy. He thought Andrew would be pleased, though he had no intention of ever showing it to him or Craig. The smut he wrote was for him alone. He glanced at the corner of the screen and noted the time. It was rather later than he’d anticipated. Rubbing his eyes tiredly, he typed what he thought was his email address into the Send field and sent it back to his inbox. Shutting off the monitor, he left it behind to get some sleep and work off his frustration.
He lay in bed, in the darkness, still lost in his fantasy. The darkness made it easier to imagine while his hand did the rest. He eventually fell asleep, trying to forget what he’d imagined.
-I’m completely at their mercy, limbs secured to the bed. You kneel between my legs, torturing me, denying me what I want. Craig yanks my head towards his cock, lifting up the skirt that hugs his elegant waist perfectly. I take him into my mouth, ignoring the sensation of Andrew pushing inside me as he begins to-
Finding an email from Chris waiting for him the next morning wasn’t much of a surprise for Craig. What was surprising was what it contained. It seemed pathetic even by Chris’ standards, and he was quite sure Chris had not meant to send it to him. That said, he would still tease him about it. No way was he getting away with sending him smut like that.
He sat back in his chair, wondering how to respond. Concern came first, a quick, ‘are you sure you meant to send me this?’ and ‘let’s forget this ever happened, yes?’, which seemed a most sensible way to deal with the situation. And then the devil inside awoke and instead of replying to Chris, he sent a message to Andrew, telling him all about what Chris had done. He thought it was only fair he knew. He was included in the smutty fantasy, after all.
Andrew seemed incredulous upon hearing about it, and not believing Craig was telling the truth, demanded to be sent Chris’ incriminating email. Craig duly (and somewhat enthusiastically) forwarded it on. I know there’s slash out there about us, but I didn’t think Chris was writing it all, Craig added to the beginning.
Andrew waited til Charles was in the shower before reading it, not wanting him reading over his shoulder. Andrew wanted to read it first before he decided if Charles should be allowed to hear about it. Once Charles knew, everyone else would probably find out sooner or later.
Andrew couldn’t quite work out what he found so amusing about Chris’ little smutty email. Was it the image of himself in leather, or Craig acting like some sort of proper slut, or Chris himself lying down and letting the two of them have their way with him? It was certainly an insight into Chris’ psyche, whether or not Andrew had actually ever wanted to know that about him. Still, he called Craig and hid the email from view. This needed to be discussed.
“Taylor’s outdone himself this time, I think,” Craig said.
“And yet he still says he’s not gay. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. He’s not fooling anyone, you know,” Andrew said.
“I don’t know why he thinks he can hide it from us. Especially not when he accidentally sends me his smutty fantasies involving us doing whatever that was to him,” Craig said.
“Oh come on, that was hot. I think we should re-enact this, just to annoy him,” Andrew said.
“Re-enact it? What, you mean actually dress up like he wants us to and do everything in that delightful story?” Craig replied.
“Come on, this is Chris we’re talking about. He’ll probably thank us for it,” Andrew said.
“Most probably. He’s definitely not living this down, that’s for sure,” Craig said with a laugh. “Know if he’s doing anything tonight?”
“No idea. Though where are we going to find those outfits at such short notice?” Andrew said.
“You worry about Chris. I’ll deal with the outfits. Don’t let him know we know, just casually ask him if he’s going anywhere tonight and leave the rest to me,” Craig said.
“I’m always worried when you say that,” Andrew said. He looked up as Charles emerged, wet and wearing only a towel around his waist. “Uh, I gotta go. Call me later, yeah?”
Craig started to reply but Andrew had already hung up. Craig set the phone down. He read through the story once more just to remind himself of the outfits he had to get and laughed at the absurdity of Chris’ fantasies.
Chris didn’t want to get up the next morning. He remembered what he’d written, as much as he’d begged to forget it. Still, even as he read through his email, he couldn’t quite bring himself to delete it. Especially when he realised he hadn’t sent it to himself at all, but to Craig.
Shit. What to do next? He couldn’t just pretend it hadn’t happened; Craig would never let him forget that in the same way he and Craig had never been allowed to forget that CNNNN kiss. So, in typical Chris fashion, he shut down his computer and pretended like nothing had happened and went to take a long hot shower.
This was mostly because he couldn’t think of a way to respond to what he’d done that would get him out of trouble. The smut had been far too explicit and had it not named Craig and Andrew, he might’ve gotten away with it, but as it stood, it was dynamite. He could just imagine the look on Craig’s face as he read it. There was no way Craig wouldn’t respond in some way. He could just imagine him sending it to the others and having them all teasing him forever about it. Miserable about his current situation, he stood under the hot water and pretended he could stay there forever.
-Your arms slink around my waist. You kiss the back of my neck, though the grasp you have on my leash is unrelenting. I’m yours. Mind, body, soul, all yours. I am nothing now. Nothing without you.
You yank on the leash and I jerk back, your breath hot in my ear. “Pathetic bitch. I don’t know why I put up with you.”
Your fingers trace the tattoo on my chest, the one proclaiming my ownership. I can never forget you, the way you command me. I know not to answer, too afraid of punishment. Your hand slinks lower as Craig appears, slipping away the curtain as he joins us. I’m sandwiched between you as you kiss and embrace. You don’t care about me, you pleasure each other as if I wasn’t there, and I remain unfulfilled as you deny me pleasure for the third day in a row. It’s getting difficult to-
Craig and Andrew met up later that day. Craig had brought the outfits and everything else they needed, as well as the infamous story so they could rehearse, as much as it was possible to rehearse, what they were planning to do. Charles had been unceremoniously kicked out of Andrew’s house to give them privacy. Andrew had refused to tell him why, except that he might tell him later on, depending on how things went.
Craig lay the outfits on the bed. They weren’t quite perfect, but they were close enough Chris probably couldn’t complain or notice. Andrew stared at them sceptically. They were a lot skimpier than he’d realised.
“I’m going to freeze to death in this, you know,” Andrew said.
“That’s not my fault, is it?” Craig said. His own was, well, interesting, to say the least. “Well, come on, let’s get dressed.”
Andrew made a point of shutting the bedroom door before stripping off, as if he somehow expected someone to be watching them. Craig smiled at him. Andrew had some annoyingly adorable habits.
Andrew had to admit the outfits looked better once they were wearing them than they had merely lying on the bed. Andrew had some leather chaps, some sort of g-string, and a fishnet shirt. He was quite sure he would freeze. He also thought he looked more like a hooker than Craig did, who was wearing a far more tasteful outfit involving a tiny miniskirt, a much less revealing shirt, and some killer boots.
“Why do I have to be the cowboy?” Andrew said, settling the hat on his head.
Craig glanced at him. “Oh, come on, what else would you be? At least you’re not in drag.”
“Don’t knock it, Craig. You’re such a sexy woman,” Andrew said.
“Yeah, I am, aren’t I?” Craig said, pretending he didn’t believe it as much as he did.
“So, what, we arrive at his place, in these outfits and what, seduce him or something?” Andrew said, reaching for the story.
“Something like that. I think the word humiliation’s in there somewhere as well. I wonder what other fantasies he’s hiding away,” Craig said.
“Did you get everything?” Andrew said.
“Yeah, I did. We start with the silk rope, collar the bastard, restrain him, and, well, do the rest to him,” Craig said, checking his list. “Are you still okay with this? I mean, this isn’t something for TV, this is us being mean to Chris for no other reason than the fact that he deserves it. No cameras, no need to perfect it, it stays between us. Probably.”
“I think you’re underestimating my capacity to make out with boys. I was more worried about you. I’m not the one who could lose everything over this,” Andrew said.
“Yes, well, that’s my problem, not yours. It’s sorted, alright? I’m not a complete moron,” Craig said dismissively.
“If you say so,” Andrew said. “And what happens if Chris totally freaks out or something?”
“We make sure we control the situation. I think he’ll run with it once he works out what’s going on. I reckon his subconscious made him send it to me, some sort of plea for it to really happen. That’s my theory at least,” Craig said.
“If this fails miserably, I’m blaming you completely,” Andrew said.
“I do recall this was your idea,” Craig said.
“I generously give it to you. It’s your idea now. I just voiced it. You ran with it,” Andrew said.
“I don’t see you backing out,” Craig said.
“Only because I want to see how he reacts. He did write me as a cowboy,” Andrew said. “What time do you want to head over? You’re luck he’s not planning to go out tonight.”
“Let’s just practice here first and head over after tea. It’s not like I’ve ever slept with a guy before and I’d hate to screw him up,” Craig said.
“I’ll walk you through it. Been fucking Charles long enough to know what I’m doing,” Andrew said.
“Did you start that during uni? Cos I heard it wasn’t til afterwards,” Craig said.
“I can’t even remember now. It just happened at some point after we became friends and hasn’t quite managed to stop. I have no idea if Amanda knows, but Charles doesn’t seem to get in trouble for it, so I suppose she does. I stopped asking years ago,” Andrew said.
“Fair enough. So, cowboy, show me how it’s done,” Craig said, twirling a finger through imaginary hair as he tried to look coy and innocent at the same time.
Andrew giggled at the image. “You’ll have to do better than that. A Southern bell you ain’t.”
“Well, that’s hardly my fault. You should never make me do accents. I fail at accents. Jesus, even Chris should know that,” Craig said.
“Shut up and kiss me, you bastard,” Andrew said.
“Gladly,” Craig said, pulling Andrew close as he kissed him.
-I can’t bear to watch. It’s too painful. But I can’t tear my eyes away. Craig’s pressed into the bed, I’m left on the couch. You’re ignoring me completely as you fuck him, making sure your pleasure is completely obvious. I watch you both come and try not to cry as I try and forget my arousal. I’m not allowed to come. I’m not, I’m not. I won’t. Please, just-
Chris was quite pleased he had managed to ignore what he’d done all day. Indeed, no one had brought it up, not even Craig seemed to show any awkwardness around him when they did manage to meet up. If he’d realised that meant he should be worried, he didn’t notice. So it was with surprise that there was a knock at the door some time around eight. And as soon as he opened the door and saw who was standing there and what they were wearing, he couldn’t ignore that stupid email anymore.
“So, er, hi,” Chris managed to say, unsure whether he should be pleased or worried.
“Evening, Chris. Mind if we come in?” Craig said, trying to sound the way he was supposed to but failing miserably.
“Uh, sure, come in, guys. Uh, dare I ask what brings you round here?” Chris said, remembering his manners as he opened the door for them.
Craig swanned in, Andrew close behind him. “Isn’t it obvious? Or do I need to actually tell you what you did last night?” Craig said. He’d already given up trying to do the accent and settled for his normal voice.
“Shit. I hoped you hadn’t read it,” Chris said, hanging his head as he backed away from them.
“Something that juicy? No way was I ignoring it. Thanks for that little insight into your sexuality. Very helpful,” Craig said.
Chris sunk into the couch, trying not to burst into tears at what had happened. He had never, ever, planned to tell them he was gay. Fuck, there were days he could hardly admit it to himself. And he’d done and undone all that in one evening of lust. Christ, he was pathetic.
Andrew and Craig sat down on either side of him, trying to comfort him and cheer him up. Chris refused to look at them. Andrew wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
“You do know we came here to fuck you senseless, don’t you?” Craig said.
Chris covered his face with his hands. “I’m not gay. I’m not. I… I didn’t mean any of that stuff. I was just-”
“Wanking? Chris, seriously, why do you think we’d even care if you’re gay or not?” Craig said.
“Why wouldn’t you care, especially after reading that?” Chris said.
“Well, you did write about us, so it’s not like we can kinda ignore it or whatever. No, really, I’m flattered you’d like me to fuck you dressed as a kinky Southern belle. You really liked Brokeback Mountain more than you’re willing to admit, didn’t you?” Craig said.
“They’re not usually like that. They’re usually, well, different. I’m not that pathetic,” Chris said, trying to save face.
Craig glanced at Andrew, not sure he believed him. “There are more of these stories? Now that I hadn’t anticipated, although somehow I’m not at all surprised.”
“I don’t pry into your personal porn collection, Reucassel, so you can keep your nose out of mine,” Chris said.
“I’m not the one writing erotic stories about us, am I?” Craig said.
It was a damn good point and Chris couldn’t deny it. “What do you want?”
“I want you to get naked already. We’ve got things to do. I’m not going to waste all this effort for nothing, you know,” Craig said. He ran a hand along Chris’ thigh, leaning in as close as he felt comfortable doing.
Chris swallowed. He was desperate to tell them to do what he’d written, but actually voicing that to them was proving impossible.
“I’ll take that as a yes then,” Craig said, glancing down at Chris’ more than obvious arousal.
Andrew had already started, nipping his neck as he began undoing the buttons of his shirt. Chris couldn’t speak. Craig had begun working the other side, his hand still firmly on his thigh. The combination of them both together was proving rather more of a turn on than even he’d managed to write.
Craig kissed him, a hand burying in his hair. He whispered to him in his best Southern accent, trying again to successfully slip into the role Chris had imagined for him. Andrew did a much more competent cowboy accent, occasionally slipping into Heath Ledger every so often.
Andrew got to his feet and yanked Chris with him, making him stand up. Craig slipped behind Chris, his hands embracing his shoulders as Andrew finished undressing him. Craig pressed kisses to his neck as he slipped the shirt off, trailing kisses all down his back. They knew what they were doing now. They swapped positions, leaving Craig to deal with Chris’ pants while Andrew slipped the collar around Chris’ neck, just like he’d written.
You hold my arms firmly as Craig slips my jeans down. Looking up at me seductively, Craig strokes my dick a few times, distracting me from what you’re getting out of your bag. Once naked, I stand there, unable to move. You aren’t holding me that firmly, but I know what’s coming. I’m not going to move. Not at all. Craig stands slowly, running his fingers across my skin, and kisses me softly. You slip the silk rope around my wrists and tie it the way you’re supposed to.
My arms bear tethers now, just waiting to secure me to my bed, to leave me helpless and naked and humiliate me the way I desperately crave. Things change. Given my bed isn’t exactly suited to having people tied to it due to its total lack of a headboard, something I must really do something about at some point, you improvise and manage to secure me as best you can. I try the bonds, knowing I could probably pull away if I wanted to, but I have no desire to fight you, not the way you’re looking at me with predatory eyes that send shivers down my spine. I’m scared, but completely willing. Take me. Abuse me. I don’t care anymore.
Chris was completely at their mercy now. He had tested his bonds, though weakly, and though he was quite certain he was nowhere near as secured as he wanted to be, he discovered it didn’t matter if he was or not, it was the feel of the silk rope around his wrists and his somewhat limited ability to break free that made it work. He wanted this. He wanted them to utterly humiliate him.
Craig crawled on the bed and lay on his stomach, looking over at him while Andrew attended to his much-neglected cock.
“When was the last time you had a good fuck, Chris?” Andrew said, stroking him gently.
“No f-fucking idea,” Chris said, not because he couldn’t remember, but because he was far too distracted to remember.
“You don’t say,” Andrew said. “Should I, ah, fix that for ya?”
“That-that would be nice,” Chris said.
“Gotta promise not to come though. Think you can manage that?” Andrew said.
Chris managed to nod, though it wasn’t a convincing one. Andrew decided to let him wait. Craig straddled Chris, leaning over him as he kissed him. Andrew decided Craig was a better fuck and caressed his arse obscenely. Chris whimpered at the neglect. Andrew had slipped a cock ring on him, and his erection was becoming painful as he struggled to keep his orgasm at bay. And then Andrew slipped Craig’s tiny panties down his legs and Chris watched Andrew lube him up and push forward, keeping a hold of Craig’s hips.
Chris hated it. Hated every moment of it. The more they ignored him, the harder he got. The sight of Craig’s face as he was fucked was driving him nuts, especially when he stopped to kiss him every now and then. Chris closed his eyes and tried to rewrite the ending of his story.
-You-you’re thrusting inside me-him, and oh god, it’s- I can’t breathe. Craig holds me firmly, keeps me in place, while you use my body as you wish. You thrust and tease and kiss and bite and whisper filth and ownership and I’m all yours, all yours to own and play with and abuse.
I don’t care, use me, all I want is you. Do with me as you want. Bring me pleasure, pain, bring me freedom from this shit.
“It’s okay. You’re okay.”
Chris opened his eyes as he realised Craig had actually spoken to him. “W-what?”
“You’re okay. There’s nothing wrong with you. Whatever little narrative you have in your head, just stop it. Spit it out and let it go. Don’t willingly give yourself pain. I won’t allow it,” Craig said softly.
He and Andrew had stopped fucking and lay beside you, caressing your body gently. You’d not noticed you’d managed to come anyway, and the relief flooded your body. Craig brushed your hair out of your eyes and Andrew hummed quietly. His slender fingers brushed your thigh as he removed the cock ring.
In that moment, you were free. You smiled at the sky and whispered your thanks. Craig kissed you gently. Andrew hugged you close. Ou could not have asked for better friends.
“I hope this peace lasts forever,” Chris murmured.
“It will if we have anything to do with it,” Craig said.
“Perhaps I should send you my smut more often if this is what the result is,” Chris said.
“Don’t bet on it. I only do this on special occasions,” Craig said.
“Bugger,” Chris said.
“Not right now, thanks,” Andrew muttered, snuggling close to him.
Chris laughed quietly and hugged him close. He pressed a kiss to his forehead and watched him falling asleep. “I think we’re keeping him up.”
“He’s a big boy. He can cope,” Craig said.
The house is dark now, and the bed is warm. I’m alone again, but I don’t care. No one can rob me of what you’ve given me. Not now. I close my eyes, committing your words to memory. For once, I might sleep well tonight, and for that, I’m forever grateful.
Author: Sashataakheru
Fandom: The Chaser
Starring: Craig Reucassel, Chris Taylor, Andrew Hansen
Pairings: Chris/Craig/Andrew, implied Andrew/Charles
Prompts: #56 Cyber and #52 Role Play for smut69
Word Count: 4,424
Warnings: smut, kink, bondage themes, pathetic!Cris
Rating: FRAO
Table: http://wolfanfics.dreamwidth.org/37785.html
Disclaimer: I don’t know them, not associated with them, just a slashy fangirl admirer with a very active imagination.
Author’s Notes: I love the meta in this. That is all. Also, read title in Frank Woodley’s voice for extra lulz. XD Also, I totes blame KT for this. So there. :P
Author’s Notes II: Also, pondered this as two separate fics, but, well, it just didn’t work that way. *headdesk* Most drawn out smutfic evar, y/y? XD
Summary: Chris is getting, well, a little desperate, and decides to make his own porn. This time, however, his secret is not at all safe and the repercussions are not what he expected. Chris' writings in italics.
I Wish That Hadn’t Happened
…You come over, looking damn shaggable in that jacket I like, the moonlight shimmering behind you as you stand in my doorway. I invite you in with a tender kiss, taking your slender body in my arms as I embrace you. I-
Chris stopped writing. He always did at that point. The desperation flooding his body had been growing too strong to resist any longer. Too afraid to actually ask for sex, especially with men, even more especially from his friends and colleagues, and finally bored with the porn he had, Chris had stooped to writing it. Unwilling to leave them in a place just anyone could find them, he had taken to writing emails to himself, filling his inbox with smut mostly involving himself, and either Craig or Andrew in place of an anonymous lover.
He left his hands on the keyboard to stop himself giving in. He knew what he wanted to write, knew how this particular scene would play out, and yet…
He deleted what he’d written and started again. His desperation and inability to fancy either Craig or Andrew had changed his mind. Instead of a delicate romantic love session, it would become something else entirely.
You arrive together, innocence absent from your eyes. Craig smiles in a way that I know means he’s up to something. He leans against the doorframe and sneers at me. You hang back a little, letting him take centre stage, at least for the moment. There’s no welcome kiss. Craig steps inside and you follow, shutting the door behind you. The way you’re both dressed make me wonder what you’re up to.
“Are you gonna get naked already, or…?”
It’s a command. The way Craig paces forward, herding me backwards inside my tiny flat. He’s irresistible. You follow, cornering me. You’re both being predatory, and I’m not as afraid as I’d have thought I would be. Craig presses against me, gripping my chin in his hand as he peers at me. When you close in on the other side, your hands wandering, I just-
Chris stopped again and bit his lip. The images in his head now were far more dangerous than he’d first anticipated. He rarely wrote himself like this. In fact, he never did. He never allowed himself to write anything other than the egotistical brilliant man that he believed he was, or wanted to be, at any rate. In his head, he was suave, sophisticated, charming and an excellent lover, and this was how he usually wrote himself. However, this new side, this pathetic, snivelling, submissive side was altogether far more frightening because he knew, deep down, that it was true. That’s what he was really like.
His finger hovered over the Backspace button, but he couldn’t bring himself to press it and delete what he’d written. So he kept writing. The scene unfolded before him, words spreading over the page as he gave in to the fantasy in his head. It had become cathartic, finally giving voice to the side of him he’d deliberately ignored for years.
-and you undress me carefully, Craig kneeling at my feet. You stalk around me, commanding my obedience. You don’t need to speak. Your eyes tell me all I need to know to make me bow and worship you like a god. You both stand above me, sneering at me. Craig pushes me down and I kneel and bow and cower before you. You know what I need. You lean down and whisper to me.
“I’m not gonna let you come all night, bitch. Think you can last that long?”
And your voice cuts through my head and I bite my lip and suddenly, naked before you, I know I’m completely alone and helpless to-
He was painfully aroused by the time he’d finished. He’d written several pages of smut, more than he’d anticipated, as he detailed every little aspect of that particular fantasy, from the sound of Craig’s voice to the warmth of Andrew’s skin and the pain from his bite. He’d resisted the urge to masturbate at the same time. The words had been too insistent in their need to be written and overruled any need he had to wank.
He stared at what he’d written. It was disgustingly filthy. He thought Andrew would be pleased, though he had no intention of ever showing it to him or Craig. The smut he wrote was for him alone. He glanced at the corner of the screen and noted the time. It was rather later than he’d anticipated. Rubbing his eyes tiredly, he typed what he thought was his email address into the Send field and sent it back to his inbox. Shutting off the monitor, he left it behind to get some sleep and work off his frustration.
He lay in bed, in the darkness, still lost in his fantasy. The darkness made it easier to imagine while his hand did the rest. He eventually fell asleep, trying to forget what he’d imagined.
-I’m completely at their mercy, limbs secured to the bed. You kneel between my legs, torturing me, denying me what I want. Craig yanks my head towards his cock, lifting up the skirt that hugs his elegant waist perfectly. I take him into my mouth, ignoring the sensation of Andrew pushing inside me as he begins to-
Finding an email from Chris waiting for him the next morning wasn’t much of a surprise for Craig. What was surprising was what it contained. It seemed pathetic even by Chris’ standards, and he was quite sure Chris had not meant to send it to him. That said, he would still tease him about it. No way was he getting away with sending him smut like that.
He sat back in his chair, wondering how to respond. Concern came first, a quick, ‘are you sure you meant to send me this?’ and ‘let’s forget this ever happened, yes?’, which seemed a most sensible way to deal with the situation. And then the devil inside awoke and instead of replying to Chris, he sent a message to Andrew, telling him all about what Chris had done. He thought it was only fair he knew. He was included in the smutty fantasy, after all.
Andrew seemed incredulous upon hearing about it, and not believing Craig was telling the truth, demanded to be sent Chris’ incriminating email. Craig duly (and somewhat enthusiastically) forwarded it on. I know there’s slash out there about us, but I didn’t think Chris was writing it all, Craig added to the beginning.
Andrew waited til Charles was in the shower before reading it, not wanting him reading over his shoulder. Andrew wanted to read it first before he decided if Charles should be allowed to hear about it. Once Charles knew, everyone else would probably find out sooner or later.
Andrew couldn’t quite work out what he found so amusing about Chris’ little smutty email. Was it the image of himself in leather, or Craig acting like some sort of proper slut, or Chris himself lying down and letting the two of them have their way with him? It was certainly an insight into Chris’ psyche, whether or not Andrew had actually ever wanted to know that about him. Still, he called Craig and hid the email from view. This needed to be discussed.
“Taylor’s outdone himself this time, I think,” Craig said.
“And yet he still says he’s not gay. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. He’s not fooling anyone, you know,” Andrew said.
“I don’t know why he thinks he can hide it from us. Especially not when he accidentally sends me his smutty fantasies involving us doing whatever that was to him,” Craig said.
“Oh come on, that was hot. I think we should re-enact this, just to annoy him,” Andrew said.
“Re-enact it? What, you mean actually dress up like he wants us to and do everything in that delightful story?” Craig replied.
“Come on, this is Chris we’re talking about. He’ll probably thank us for it,” Andrew said.
“Most probably. He’s definitely not living this down, that’s for sure,” Craig said with a laugh. “Know if he’s doing anything tonight?”
“No idea. Though where are we going to find those outfits at such short notice?” Andrew said.
“You worry about Chris. I’ll deal with the outfits. Don’t let him know we know, just casually ask him if he’s going anywhere tonight and leave the rest to me,” Craig said.
“I’m always worried when you say that,” Andrew said. He looked up as Charles emerged, wet and wearing only a towel around his waist. “Uh, I gotta go. Call me later, yeah?”
Craig started to reply but Andrew had already hung up. Craig set the phone down. He read through the story once more just to remind himself of the outfits he had to get and laughed at the absurdity of Chris’ fantasies.
Chris didn’t want to get up the next morning. He remembered what he’d written, as much as he’d begged to forget it. Still, even as he read through his email, he couldn’t quite bring himself to delete it. Especially when he realised he hadn’t sent it to himself at all, but to Craig.
Shit. What to do next? He couldn’t just pretend it hadn’t happened; Craig would never let him forget that in the same way he and Craig had never been allowed to forget that CNNNN kiss. So, in typical Chris fashion, he shut down his computer and pretended like nothing had happened and went to take a long hot shower.
This was mostly because he couldn’t think of a way to respond to what he’d done that would get him out of trouble. The smut had been far too explicit and had it not named Craig and Andrew, he might’ve gotten away with it, but as it stood, it was dynamite. He could just imagine the look on Craig’s face as he read it. There was no way Craig wouldn’t respond in some way. He could just imagine him sending it to the others and having them all teasing him forever about it. Miserable about his current situation, he stood under the hot water and pretended he could stay there forever.
-Your arms slink around my waist. You kiss the back of my neck, though the grasp you have on my leash is unrelenting. I’m yours. Mind, body, soul, all yours. I am nothing now. Nothing without you.
You yank on the leash and I jerk back, your breath hot in my ear. “Pathetic bitch. I don’t know why I put up with you.”
Your fingers trace the tattoo on my chest, the one proclaiming my ownership. I can never forget you, the way you command me. I know not to answer, too afraid of punishment. Your hand slinks lower as Craig appears, slipping away the curtain as he joins us. I’m sandwiched between you as you kiss and embrace. You don’t care about me, you pleasure each other as if I wasn’t there, and I remain unfulfilled as you deny me pleasure for the third day in a row. It’s getting difficult to-
Craig and Andrew met up later that day. Craig had brought the outfits and everything else they needed, as well as the infamous story so they could rehearse, as much as it was possible to rehearse, what they were planning to do. Charles had been unceremoniously kicked out of Andrew’s house to give them privacy. Andrew had refused to tell him why, except that he might tell him later on, depending on how things went.
Craig lay the outfits on the bed. They weren’t quite perfect, but they were close enough Chris probably couldn’t complain or notice. Andrew stared at them sceptically. They were a lot skimpier than he’d realised.
“I’m going to freeze to death in this, you know,” Andrew said.
“That’s not my fault, is it?” Craig said. His own was, well, interesting, to say the least. “Well, come on, let’s get dressed.”
Andrew made a point of shutting the bedroom door before stripping off, as if he somehow expected someone to be watching them. Craig smiled at him. Andrew had some annoyingly adorable habits.
Andrew had to admit the outfits looked better once they were wearing them than they had merely lying on the bed. Andrew had some leather chaps, some sort of g-string, and a fishnet shirt. He was quite sure he would freeze. He also thought he looked more like a hooker than Craig did, who was wearing a far more tasteful outfit involving a tiny miniskirt, a much less revealing shirt, and some killer boots.
“Why do I have to be the cowboy?” Andrew said, settling the hat on his head.
Craig glanced at him. “Oh, come on, what else would you be? At least you’re not in drag.”
“Don’t knock it, Craig. You’re such a sexy woman,” Andrew said.
“Yeah, I am, aren’t I?” Craig said, pretending he didn’t believe it as much as he did.
“So, what, we arrive at his place, in these outfits and what, seduce him or something?” Andrew said, reaching for the story.
“Something like that. I think the word humiliation’s in there somewhere as well. I wonder what other fantasies he’s hiding away,” Craig said.
“Did you get everything?” Andrew said.
“Yeah, I did. We start with the silk rope, collar the bastard, restrain him, and, well, do the rest to him,” Craig said, checking his list. “Are you still okay with this? I mean, this isn’t something for TV, this is us being mean to Chris for no other reason than the fact that he deserves it. No cameras, no need to perfect it, it stays between us. Probably.”
“I think you’re underestimating my capacity to make out with boys. I was more worried about you. I’m not the one who could lose everything over this,” Andrew said.
“Yes, well, that’s my problem, not yours. It’s sorted, alright? I’m not a complete moron,” Craig said dismissively.
“If you say so,” Andrew said. “And what happens if Chris totally freaks out or something?”
“We make sure we control the situation. I think he’ll run with it once he works out what’s going on. I reckon his subconscious made him send it to me, some sort of plea for it to really happen. That’s my theory at least,” Craig said.
“If this fails miserably, I’m blaming you completely,” Andrew said.
“I do recall this was your idea,” Craig said.
“I generously give it to you. It’s your idea now. I just voiced it. You ran with it,” Andrew said.
“I don’t see you backing out,” Craig said.
“Only because I want to see how he reacts. He did write me as a cowboy,” Andrew said. “What time do you want to head over? You’re luck he’s not planning to go out tonight.”
“Let’s just practice here first and head over after tea. It’s not like I’ve ever slept with a guy before and I’d hate to screw him up,” Craig said.
“I’ll walk you through it. Been fucking Charles long enough to know what I’m doing,” Andrew said.
“Did you start that during uni? Cos I heard it wasn’t til afterwards,” Craig said.
“I can’t even remember now. It just happened at some point after we became friends and hasn’t quite managed to stop. I have no idea if Amanda knows, but Charles doesn’t seem to get in trouble for it, so I suppose she does. I stopped asking years ago,” Andrew said.
“Fair enough. So, cowboy, show me how it’s done,” Craig said, twirling a finger through imaginary hair as he tried to look coy and innocent at the same time.
Andrew giggled at the image. “You’ll have to do better than that. A Southern bell you ain’t.”
“Well, that’s hardly my fault. You should never make me do accents. I fail at accents. Jesus, even Chris should know that,” Craig said.
“Shut up and kiss me, you bastard,” Andrew said.
“Gladly,” Craig said, pulling Andrew close as he kissed him.
-I can’t bear to watch. It’s too painful. But I can’t tear my eyes away. Craig’s pressed into the bed, I’m left on the couch. You’re ignoring me completely as you fuck him, making sure your pleasure is completely obvious. I watch you both come and try not to cry as I try and forget my arousal. I’m not allowed to come. I’m not, I’m not. I won’t. Please, just-
Chris was quite pleased he had managed to ignore what he’d done all day. Indeed, no one had brought it up, not even Craig seemed to show any awkwardness around him when they did manage to meet up. If he’d realised that meant he should be worried, he didn’t notice. So it was with surprise that there was a knock at the door some time around eight. And as soon as he opened the door and saw who was standing there and what they were wearing, he couldn’t ignore that stupid email anymore.
“So, er, hi,” Chris managed to say, unsure whether he should be pleased or worried.
“Evening, Chris. Mind if we come in?” Craig said, trying to sound the way he was supposed to but failing miserably.
“Uh, sure, come in, guys. Uh, dare I ask what brings you round here?” Chris said, remembering his manners as he opened the door for them.
Craig swanned in, Andrew close behind him. “Isn’t it obvious? Or do I need to actually tell you what you did last night?” Craig said. He’d already given up trying to do the accent and settled for his normal voice.
“Shit. I hoped you hadn’t read it,” Chris said, hanging his head as he backed away from them.
“Something that juicy? No way was I ignoring it. Thanks for that little insight into your sexuality. Very helpful,” Craig said.
Chris sunk into the couch, trying not to burst into tears at what had happened. He had never, ever, planned to tell them he was gay. Fuck, there were days he could hardly admit it to himself. And he’d done and undone all that in one evening of lust. Christ, he was pathetic.
Andrew and Craig sat down on either side of him, trying to comfort him and cheer him up. Chris refused to look at them. Andrew wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
“You do know we came here to fuck you senseless, don’t you?” Craig said.
Chris covered his face with his hands. “I’m not gay. I’m not. I… I didn’t mean any of that stuff. I was just-”
“Wanking? Chris, seriously, why do you think we’d even care if you’re gay or not?” Craig said.
“Why wouldn’t you care, especially after reading that?” Chris said.
“Well, you did write about us, so it’s not like we can kinda ignore it or whatever. No, really, I’m flattered you’d like me to fuck you dressed as a kinky Southern belle. You really liked Brokeback Mountain more than you’re willing to admit, didn’t you?” Craig said.
“They’re not usually like that. They’re usually, well, different. I’m not that pathetic,” Chris said, trying to save face.
Craig glanced at Andrew, not sure he believed him. “There are more of these stories? Now that I hadn’t anticipated, although somehow I’m not at all surprised.”
“I don’t pry into your personal porn collection, Reucassel, so you can keep your nose out of mine,” Chris said.
“I’m not the one writing erotic stories about us, am I?” Craig said.
It was a damn good point and Chris couldn’t deny it. “What do you want?”
“I want you to get naked already. We’ve got things to do. I’m not going to waste all this effort for nothing, you know,” Craig said. He ran a hand along Chris’ thigh, leaning in as close as he felt comfortable doing.
Chris swallowed. He was desperate to tell them to do what he’d written, but actually voicing that to them was proving impossible.
“I’ll take that as a yes then,” Craig said, glancing down at Chris’ more than obvious arousal.
Andrew had already started, nipping his neck as he began undoing the buttons of his shirt. Chris couldn’t speak. Craig had begun working the other side, his hand still firmly on his thigh. The combination of them both together was proving rather more of a turn on than even he’d managed to write.
Craig kissed him, a hand burying in his hair. He whispered to him in his best Southern accent, trying again to successfully slip into the role Chris had imagined for him. Andrew did a much more competent cowboy accent, occasionally slipping into Heath Ledger every so often.
Andrew got to his feet and yanked Chris with him, making him stand up. Craig slipped behind Chris, his hands embracing his shoulders as Andrew finished undressing him. Craig pressed kisses to his neck as he slipped the shirt off, trailing kisses all down his back. They knew what they were doing now. They swapped positions, leaving Craig to deal with Chris’ pants while Andrew slipped the collar around Chris’ neck, just like he’d written.
You hold my arms firmly as Craig slips my jeans down. Looking up at me seductively, Craig strokes my dick a few times, distracting me from what you’re getting out of your bag. Once naked, I stand there, unable to move. You aren’t holding me that firmly, but I know what’s coming. I’m not going to move. Not at all. Craig stands slowly, running his fingers across my skin, and kisses me softly. You slip the silk rope around my wrists and tie it the way you’re supposed to.
My arms bear tethers now, just waiting to secure me to my bed, to leave me helpless and naked and humiliate me the way I desperately crave. Things change. Given my bed isn’t exactly suited to having people tied to it due to its total lack of a headboard, something I must really do something about at some point, you improvise and manage to secure me as best you can. I try the bonds, knowing I could probably pull away if I wanted to, but I have no desire to fight you, not the way you’re looking at me with predatory eyes that send shivers down my spine. I’m scared, but completely willing. Take me. Abuse me. I don’t care anymore.
Chris was completely at their mercy now. He had tested his bonds, though weakly, and though he was quite certain he was nowhere near as secured as he wanted to be, he discovered it didn’t matter if he was or not, it was the feel of the silk rope around his wrists and his somewhat limited ability to break free that made it work. He wanted this. He wanted them to utterly humiliate him.
Craig crawled on the bed and lay on his stomach, looking over at him while Andrew attended to his much-neglected cock.
“When was the last time you had a good fuck, Chris?” Andrew said, stroking him gently.
“No f-fucking idea,” Chris said, not because he couldn’t remember, but because he was far too distracted to remember.
“You don’t say,” Andrew said. “Should I, ah, fix that for ya?”
“That-that would be nice,” Chris said.
“Gotta promise not to come though. Think you can manage that?” Andrew said.
Chris managed to nod, though it wasn’t a convincing one. Andrew decided to let him wait. Craig straddled Chris, leaning over him as he kissed him. Andrew decided Craig was a better fuck and caressed his arse obscenely. Chris whimpered at the neglect. Andrew had slipped a cock ring on him, and his erection was becoming painful as he struggled to keep his orgasm at bay. And then Andrew slipped Craig’s tiny panties down his legs and Chris watched Andrew lube him up and push forward, keeping a hold of Craig’s hips.
Chris hated it. Hated every moment of it. The more they ignored him, the harder he got. The sight of Craig’s face as he was fucked was driving him nuts, especially when he stopped to kiss him every now and then. Chris closed his eyes and tried to rewrite the ending of his story.
-You-you’re thrusting inside me-him, and oh god, it’s- I can’t breathe. Craig holds me firmly, keeps me in place, while you use my body as you wish. You thrust and tease and kiss and bite and whisper filth and ownership and I’m all yours, all yours to own and play with and abuse.
I don’t care, use me, all I want is you. Do with me as you want. Bring me pleasure, pain, bring me freedom from this shit.
“It’s okay. You’re okay.”
Chris opened his eyes as he realised Craig had actually spoken to him. “W-what?”
“You’re okay. There’s nothing wrong with you. Whatever little narrative you have in your head, just stop it. Spit it out and let it go. Don’t willingly give yourself pain. I won’t allow it,” Craig said softly.
He and Andrew had stopped fucking and lay beside you, caressing your body gently. You’d not noticed you’d managed to come anyway, and the relief flooded your body. Craig brushed your hair out of your eyes and Andrew hummed quietly. His slender fingers brushed your thigh as he removed the cock ring.
In that moment, you were free. You smiled at the sky and whispered your thanks. Craig kissed you gently. Andrew hugged you close. Ou could not have asked for better friends.
“I hope this peace lasts forever,” Chris murmured.
“It will if we have anything to do with it,” Craig said.
“Perhaps I should send you my smut more often if this is what the result is,” Chris said.
“Don’t bet on it. I only do this on special occasions,” Craig said.
“Bugger,” Chris said.
“Not right now, thanks,” Andrew muttered, snuggling close to him.
Chris laughed quietly and hugged him close. He pressed a kiss to his forehead and watched him falling asleep. “I think we’re keeping him up.”
“He’s a big boy. He can cope,” Craig said.
The house is dark now, and the bed is warm. I’m alone again, but I don’t care. No one can rob me of what you’ve given me. Not now. I close my eyes, committing your words to memory. For once, I might sleep well tonight, and for that, I’m forever grateful.