Letters to my characters

[wolfanfics]

Dear Andrew, my suddenly acquired muse.

Thankyou for sharing that one pivotal not-quite-suicide scene. I understand it's important, but could you tell me what else happens please? Apart from you and Chris getting all dirty and snuggly when no one else is looking?

Oh, and why are you poking me with marijuana? I didn't want to bring drugs into this at all. Isn't the depression enough? And would you be so kind as to be a bit more specific as to why you're depressed as opposed to me just having to guess?

In annoyance,
Your Narrator
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Dear Chris,

Apart from snuggling with Andrew, are you going to do anything else? Cos it'd be great if you and Andrew actually told me what's going to happen. Before November would be nice.

Oh, and speak up and say something! You're letting Andrew do all the talking!

Your Narrator.

P.S. Speak up or I'll use the pink dress on you! I'll turn you into some gay cross-dressing guy, and have you beaten up. So behave and start talking.
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Dear Craig, my ex-muse.

STOP SULKING! Just because I didn't use your plotbunny doesn't give you the right to sulk about it. Sulking will not make me change my mind. Andrew's being far too persistent. At least he's giving me something, you're just sulking.

And please, please, please, can we lose the diva streak? Chris was right, you are a stuck-up, arrogant, narcissistic pretty boy. And stop whining. Before you took over as my muse, me and Hamish were having a wonderful time. See, at least Hamish doesn't sulk. He just giggles and feeds me evil ideas for him and Adam.

Your Narrator
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Dear plot,

Can we start getting somewhere please? I know I didn't ask for tiny plot details and such, but a more gneneral plot than 'they meet, they become friends, they become secret lovers, he tries to kill himself and afterwards things change' would be nice. A bloody time frame would be appreciated, considering I have FOUR YEARS during which this can potentially happen. I know the depression stuff happens in '96, but when did it start? Could you be a bit more helpful than that?

Your Narrator and highly annoyed Author.
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Dear other characters,

I know you're not playing a major role in this, but could you start telling me something? ANYTHING! What are you doing? That would be nice to know. I'm looking at you, Charles, in particular. You're supposed to be Andrew's friend, yeah? So are you just going to remain silent this whole time, or are you going to do something? Must I ask Julian's permission for you to be in this? Why must I ask Julian's permission? Are you that firmly entrenched in that submissive pain-slut character that you can't be the Charles I want you to be? Grow a spine. I'm not asking Julian's permission. I need you in this, so get your cute little butt over here and start plotting.

Oh, and to Craig and Jules: what, I suppose you'll turn up at some point, yeah? Or is this gonna be set before you came along? Could you let me know if you're going to be in this, because that'd be nice to know. This is a bit before your time, too, isn't it Chas? Aww, pity, I like you, Chas. Ah well. Just ... start thinking about that mpreg fic I started a while back. We're gonna finish it, you know, and you'll have a baby. I'm not changing my mind on that, so stop pouting and looking adorable. I know you're the epitome of adorableness, and I love you for it, but some plot help would be very much appreciated. But not til December. Don't interrupt my NaNo, please.

Your Narrator
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Dear Craig, my attention-seeking ex-muse,

Why must you have wings? You're not supposed to have wings. This isn't a fantasy story. And why have you turned goth on me?

You will NOT, I repeat, NOT make me change my mind and use your plotbunny instead of my lovely Chris/Andrew one by dressing like a little goth twink and having wings.

Get over it.

Your Narrator

ETA:

Craig! This is not your story! Stop messing with my brain and leave me be!

Your very angry Narrator
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Dear Andrew

Yes, I know I've written a few letters to you already, but just deal with it, ok?

Now, would it be too much to ask if you could give me some sort of reason why you and Chris are together? Because it's hard to justify a relationship when all I can work out is that he has a thing for your hair. Why else are you together? What is it about you that made him dump Craig and come back to you? A little guidance would be nice.

Oh, and you know you really don't need to give me any more encouragement to slash you and him, right? I mean, I can slash you all on my own.

Your Narrator.
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Dear Chris,

In a similar vein to Andrew's letter, would you ever so mind telling me what it is you love about Andrew, apart from his hair? I'd like something a little more concrete than, "I love his hair," if you wouldn't mind.

Seriously, you're creeping me out with this hair obsession. You're not turning furry on me, are you? Cos that would be weird. Very weird.

So yeah. *pokes* Say something! Get over the hair and tell me why you love Andrew so much more than Craig.

Your Narrator.

P.S. I still have that pink dress up my sleeve, so you'd better behave, or you'll be the wise cousel they seek who wears a pink dress.
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**** insert plot change here ****
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Dear Andrew,

I really appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule to be my muse, but could you poke the rest of those boys into helping me along here? It would be nice to have an idea of what happens before I start writing.

I changed your hair, as requested, too. I hope it's to your liking. I do find it odd you being my muse when you're not even a main character in this plot. How did you become my muse anyway? I'm not sure I even asked you. But anyway, poke Charles and Chas for me. Tell them to start thinking about the plot.

Oh, and I do hope you'll all hang around come November, and won't simply disappear when I need you most.

Your Narrator
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Dear Craig,

Stop being a whiny little diva. You have your wings, be happy. I am not changing my plot, so settle down and shut up.

Your Narrator

Dear Chris,

By all means you can carry a little teddy bear around, but you have to come up with a reason why that won't get you beaten up, ok?

Your Narrator
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Dear Charles,

STOP BEING SCARED OF JULIAN LONG ENOUGH TO COME AND TALK TO ME!

*sighs*

I know I've put you in a difficult position in this fic, but really, that's the idea. I know you're scared of Jules, but I thought you loved him too. I would've thought Adam would be good for your confidence, but clearly I was mistaken.

You come here and talk to me now. I am NOT going to ask Julian's permission. I have authority over him anyway. Now, get over here and start talking. I'll add in a scene where Jules get to whip you if you do.

Come on, I'm not that scary. I know you're hiding out there. Come on out. You know what ending I have planned. It won't be as bad as it appears, ok? I got around that whole messy business, ok? You'll have your Masters back at the end of this fic, ok? Now come on out and lend me a hand.

You're really rather timid for someone who can come across as rather scary.

Your Narrator

P.S. Does Adam know you're referring to him as one of your Masters? Does Hamish know about this as well? Hamish doesn't like that you're takiing Adam from him, you know. This isn't going to end up as another argument/conflict is it? Haven't I got enough of that already just from Craig, Andrew and Chris?

P.P.S. When did you get over your thing for Andrew? I thought you didn't mind him as a Master. What changed and why didn't you tell me?
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Adam, Tim.

Now, you know I asked you for some sort of input on this novel a while back, but... um... I was not expecting you to give me this.

YOU TWO ARE EVIL!

I WASN'T EVEN GOING TO SLASH YOU TOGETHER!

BAD, BAD, BAD EVIL THINGS YOU ARE!

>.<

Your pissed-off Narrator
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Also Adam, there's just one thing stopping you and Hamish from being my perfectest couple. You're an outrageous flirt, and don't mind sleeping around, and Hamish doesn't like it. At all. You be careful, because he might end up leaving you because of it. I'm not saying he will, but you need to sit down and talk to him about it.

Your Narrator
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*waves stick around, trying to find people*

Umm, guys? You wouldn't want to come back, would you? Having the plot 85% outlined is no excuse to go away and leave me alone, capite? Now get back here and stay here. I'll be quite happy to lock you all in Chas' cage if it means you stay put, ok? You know full well how much I enjoy locking pretty boys in cages.

Your angry Narrator
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Hey guys,

I know you're busy and all, but would it kill you to at least look interested in my plot? I'm not expecting miracles or anything, but it'd be nice to have a bit of help.

At the very least, I expect you to turn up to help on November the first and not disappear on me until we get to December.

Your Narrator
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Andrew, Chris, Craig,

What the hell happened to you guys? You were hanging around, poking me with random plot ideas, and now you've gone and disappeared on me. I've been left with Charles, Adam and Hamish, which isn't so bad, but I did appreciate having you around.

Andrew, I thought you and Craig were being my muses? Where the hell are you? Come back! I won't bite, honest! I won't even yell at you.

I'll do whatever you want me to, promise.

Your Narrator
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Chas,

One letter all bloody month? I understand why at the moment you have other distractions, but I do hope you're going to turn up at some point. After all, the novel is named after you, for crying out loud. I expect you to turn up. If you want to have some say in this plot, you'll turn up.

Your Narrator
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Julian,

I'm only asking one thing from you: the locaton of your secret hideout. None of the others have to know if you're going to be that finicky about it, but give me something apart from a scene that reminds me of something I saw in Doctor Who at some point.

Now, really, is that too much to ask?

Your Narrator